Twelve Months Without Alcohol

A drunken night and The Scale of change…. Or…My life without alcohol…..
So, I have not blogged in forever. No matter, nobody reads my blogs in the first place. I actually have been writing the past couple years but it’s been more for therapeutic reasons and to clear my head. Major shout out to my long-time friend Kelly Jankowiak. The only other girl I love, other than my wife and daughter. She knows me very well. So here we go… Sometime back in October of 2019 my family was over at Kelly and Chris’s (The Carques) house. Something we have done many, many times over the years. Kids play, parents drink, we enjoy music, conversation, talk about life, what is bothering us, politics, social media nonsense, family drama, Netflix shows, education, our kids, etc. At around 10 p.m., and after three hours of inebriation, Kelly decided to go to her bathroom and come back out with a scale. Yes, a scale. To this day, I have no idea what the hell she was thinking or doing. Who grabs a scale in the middle of a party and decides it would be a good idea for a bunch of drunk 40 year-olds to weigh themselves? Kelly does. Alcohol will make you do strange things, but it may have saved me. I didn’t know this at the time. I volunteered to get on the scale. I didn’t care, it’s just a scale. And, well, I had been drinking. I weighed 214 lbs. Chris was next, then our friend Nick, and so on. Everyone laughed at each other. Good times. We left the Carques that night around 11. I woke up the next day and was hoping the 214 I saw on the scale was somehow inaccurate. I weighed myself on my own scale. Accurate. Damn it! I had noticed my work pants were getting tighter, but 214 was unacceptable. (To put this in perspective, when I graduated from high school I was 160 lbs. After college, 180 lbs. I spent my 30s between 180-190. I’m six feet tall, so even though I wasn’t morbidly obese, I was officially fat. No bones about it, I was overweight and out of shape. I wish I could tell you I started dieting and working out the next day. I could tell you that, but it would not be true. Dec 2, 2019- The talk. Yuck. My amazing wife, Erin, texted me in the morning and told me we needed to talk. I was horrified. I already knew what it was about. My drinking. More importantly, my lying about my drinking. We went to dinner that night and Erin told me she could handle the drinking, but it was getting to be a bit too much. What she could not handle was the lying about the drinking. I’ll give her credit- she did not give me an ultimatum or guilt me into not drinking. Hell, she didn’t even ask me to stop drinking. It was more like, uh, maybe dial it down a notch. Deep down, however, I knew I had to. Even if only to prove it myself. Ironically, my plan was to stop until New Years Eve and then back to drinking! Hip hip hooray! Well, today is November 18, 2020, and I haven’t had a drink since. It has been just about 12 months since I last had alcohol. Quite the journey. There’s a few things I learned. The following is not meant to be preachy or to scare anyone that reads this. My wife still drinks, and I am totally cool with it. This is just my personal assessment of my year without booze. Something I had to do for me. Habit or addiction? I’ll admit, the first 2-4 weeks without alcohol was difficult. Actually, very difficult, and anyone that tells you differently is either not being truthful or was not a daily (4-6 days a week) drinker like I was. Alcohol is a drug, drugs are addictive. But it is also a choice. At 4:00 p.m. (my favorite time of day to start) I had a choice to make to either drink or not drink. Now, I’ll never understand why the label states ‘drugs and alcohol’ when it should probably just be ‘drugs’. I think because alcohol is so widely used and advertised, it makes people sleep better at night if alcohol is labeled, well, alcohol. Compartmentalized if you will. I won’t get it to the science of it but alcohol is ethanol, and ethanol is basically poison. Was my drinking a habit or an addiction? My answer to this is another question…. Does it matter? If I am ingesting a toxin that is not good for my heart, liver, or brain, does it really matter if I’m calling it my habit or addiction? It’s all in the words, and words make people (myself included) feel better. Habits can be positive or negative. I have a good habit of taking out the trash and emptying the dishwasher. I have many bad habits. Addiction can only be negative. It’s a scary word, people do not like the word. I get it. I do not like it either. The justification and power of denial. The majority of people consume more alcohol as time goes on. When I think of my own drinking habits (see, I still won’t label it an addiction lol), this holds true. I used to drink 1-2 times a week, but as time went on and my tolerance increased, I drank more nights a week, and consumed more alcohol during each session. And as time went on, my breaks of 1-2 weeks OFF from drinking seemed to rarely happen. Many people are not ‘take it or leave it’ drinkers. I certainly was not. And many people who are ‘take it or leave it’, eventually become daily drinkers. Me. I then began to justify my alcohol intake internally (which lead to major anxiety). These were not good justifications (reasons), but here goes: I deserve it... I worked hard this week, I deserve some cold beers. This was favorite reason to drink. Milestones, weddings, birthdays... Let’s celebrate with some beers! My daughter turned 7, let’s bring it on home with 10 beers. Makes zero sense. I’ve been to two weddings this past year. Not one drink. I had a great time, wait for it, BECAUSE of the people (my friends) I was with and the experience. I think I was often tricking myself into thinking that alcohol was the reason I was having a good time. It’s not, it was the people I was with. I have learned that alcohol has not made me a better dancer. I’m terrible with or without it. I’m stressed out…. I used this one a lot. What I have learned is that alcohol intake increases stress, anxiety, and blood pressure. Over time, it creates more stress and anxiety; it does not relieve it. This one is tough because I did not learn this until I went about 5-6 months with alcohol. If alcohol is a depressant, how could it possibly relieve stress? It cannot. And if it makes you happy or in a good mood (which I admit, for me, it did) then how come I wasn’t super happy the more I drank? It was the opposite. The more I drank, the worse I felt. Then I’d wake up the next day and feel like crap. I’m bored. This was a common excuse, and I am ashamed I ever used it. I couldn’t find anything better to do than to drink pinot noir? I have four kids, and I tricked myself into thinking I was bored, so I’ll drink for 2-3 hours. Comical. I like the taste... Great reason! And I do like the taste of beer and wine. But again, probably not the best reason to justify drinking 6-8 beers every other night. I like ice cream, but it would not be smart to eat a half gallon of it every day. I guess that is what’s funny about alcohol. It’s bad for me, I know it’s bad for me, but I was drinking a lot of it every day. If I used that same rationale for McDonald’s, what would happen? I like Big Macs, they taste great, I know they are bad for me, but I am going to eat 2-3 of them daily. Doesn’t add up. ____________________________________________________ Will I ever drink again? I am on the fence about it because the more I stay away from alcohol, the happier I am. So, yeah, it is hard for me to justify it right now, when things are so much better for me when I’m not drinking. Positives (reasons to limit alcohol or to stop)… Physical health/weight loss... Like I said earlier, I did not stop drinking immediately after stepping on that scale. It was around six weeks later that my wife gave me the talk. After the talk, I stopped cold turkey. I am an idiot, I’ll admit, but even I was not going to risk my marriage. I was still fat, but I wanted to change that. I knew that, for me, I could not get into shape if I was still drinking. So, I told myself if I could go ten weeks without alcohol, I would start working out. It never made sense to me to start working out while drinking four to five times a week. I knew I would just be disappointed in myself. So, I started working out in February, and yes, the weight came off. And of course it did… a little exercise, better diet, and a weekly 4,000 caloric deficit…how could it not? My blood pressure also is at a normal level for the first time in my life. I find it hilariously ironic that less than a year ago size 36 inch pants barely fit, and now Kelly is telling me I’m too skinny, to ‘eat a burger’. She never said this when I was getting on the scale. The irony! Finances... This is an easy one but I was spending around $3000 a year on alcohol. To put this into perspective…if I took the money I spent on alcohol the past twenty years and put it into a Roth, with an average return, I’d have around $138,000. Nothing more to say here. Trust... I think my wife (you know, the most important person in the world) is finally starting to trust me. She no longer says ‘be careful’ 14 times when I go somewhere. Was it nagging? No, not really. She was never sure if I was going to go out and have a few beers. Her trust in me is worth so much. I think it took her awhile, but now I only hear ‘be careful’ one or two times a day. And that is just fine by me. Energy... Simple. I have more of it. I used to always be tired and sluggish. Now, I am 41, and have four kids, so I do get tired from time to time, but my energy levels are through the roof. I wake up at 4-5 a.m. ready to go. Skin/hair... Weird to list this as a positive, but my hair doesn’t fall out as much in the shower and my skin has a different feel to it. This may be a placebo effect because my diet is better, but figured I’d mention it. Mental health... I feel a sense of freedom. Now, this is hard for me to explain and extremely personal but I’m going to try…I’ve never considered myself a person who had to deal with depression, but my best friend (other than Chris Carque) was my brother. I mean, we were 15 months apart, so you can imagine that bond. Ironically, he died because of depression. I’ll always deal with his death. I think of him several times a day. I drank a lot more when he passed, but I refuse to believe I had problems with drinking because of his death. That would be a total cop out, and a disservice to my brother. In Conclusion… when I was drinking, I always felt like a weight in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes it felt like a shadow, or a cloud or a dark feeling. Again, hard to explain. Sometimes I even tried to drink away that feeling. It never worked, but the alcohol numbed me enough into where I forgot my emotions/depression. Not healthy by any means, but that is what I did. It is almost like I was drinking to forget my problems, or my issues. And I’ll admit, by nature, I am a very confident person. I will also admit that my life is great. Personally, I love my wife and my kids, good career, nice house, cool mini-van lol. In theory, I had my ‘sh!t’ together, but the drinking always bothered me. I couldn’t beat it or fix it, so I felt like alcohol always had this grip on me, like it controlled me, and I felt ashamed that I allowed it to have power over me for so long. And this is what was hard for me because I’ve always considered myself resourceful and solution-based. But I was failing when it came to controlling my drinking. I was losing. If I’m being honest, I felt embarrassed by it. I have all these great things going for me in my life, but I can’t control my drinking? I felt lost and almost hopeless, and I would try to cut back but then something would happen, and I’d start drinking again. Then I would beat myself up over it and feel ashamed. This caused anxiety, sometimes panic. It was an awful, vicious cycle. So, with that uplifting message out of the way, I am happy to report that I do not feel that way anymore. That is what 12 months has done for me. It has given me a new perspective about alcohol, and the role I want it to have in my life. Cheers!

Earthy? No Thank You.

I recently went up to Boulder, Colorado with my coaching staff and our baseball team. We played a tournament up there. Got out of the Vegas heat and out of the zoo that is Las Vegas. This was our third trip up there and it's always fun. I enjoy the mountains and I enjoy the weather but the people of Boulder always make me laugh. I call them "Earthy". I don't want to make a generalization so I'll say many people in Boulder are "Earthy" not all of them. Anyway, many of them don't wash their hair or wear shoes. Many of them ride bikes and drink tea. Showers seem to be a once a week thing. I also saw a few women with hairy armpits. To each their own I suppose. It's just not for me. I am not earthy. It's just not me. I do like long hair but not dread locks. I will wear Birkenstocks just don't tell me wife. But I won't go bare foot. If I was a girl I'd shave my pits. I will be the first to admit I do not recycle. I also drive a car that is bad for the environment. I don't buy recycled products unless it's by mistake. I have nothing against being globally concerned for our planet but it's not something I worry about. Sorry. I also don't like nature much. I've never been to the Grand Canyon and I don't like hiking. Picnics? Ummm, no. Camping? Sure, as long as it's at my parent's cabin (A/C and a flat screen). Fishing? Sure, just make sure I have enough beer. I live 3 miles from Red Rock Canyon. I've been there once. I don't know why I'm not into the outdoors. I just don't like spending my free time being outside. I think it's because I coach baseball. I'm outside ALL the time and when I do have free time I don't want to spend my time outside. I guess that's why. I'd rather read a book indoors. In any case I appreciate all the earth conscious people out there. I really do. And I'm sorry for not recycling and I'm sorry I don't drive an electric car. I wish you the best in saving Mother Earth.

Megabucks...

I sometimes daydream about what it would be like to win the lottery or hit Megabucks here in Vegas. Being that we don't have a lottery and I wouldn't play it if we did, and the fact that I play slots maybe once every 2 years, it will probably stay a dream. Oh well.

But I do find it hilarious when people say they'd still go to work. The following comments really annoy me:

"I would be bored"
or
"I like work"
or
"I enjoy going to work"
or
"What else would I do with my time?"
or
"I'd miss work"

That's crap. You wouldn't be bored anymore if you had 10 million dollars. If you were still bored then you have mental issues and nothing is going to fix that. You'd find something to do. And with all your money, you could afford to do things you normally wouldn't have been able to afford. So can the 'bored' talk.

And work? Nobody likes their colleagues or their place of employment that much. Nobody. If I won 10 million dollars I wouldn't finish the year or even the rest of the week. Hell, I'd be gone at lunch. Gone! At least I'm willing to admit it.

"Hey, where's Derek today?"

"Oh, I heard he hit the lottery."

"Really? He's not going to finish the school year?"

"Nope... told me to tell everyone at work see ya later and have a nice life. And don't bother calling because he's moving. But he is going to pay for this year's christmas party."


If I hit it big I wouldn't really change that much. I like to think of myself as a very giving and loyal person. I'm willing to do anything for my wife, my daughter and my friends. I really am. I also really enjoy coaching baseball and I do find that selfless because I spend hundreds of hours of my life coaching for basically no pay. So, if anything, if I won money and didn't have to work I would be able to give more of my time to others.

As far as luxuries are concerned I would hire a maid. I don't enjoy cleaning the house.

I would not have a landscaper. I do enjoy yardwork.

I'd have a cook. I like to cook but not that much. New vehicle? Not for me. I love my truck and don't enjoy driving cars. I would buy my wife a sport's car though.

I'd buy a bigger house. But not crazy. 2800 square feet would be plenty. More space than that wouldn't be necessary.

I would write a book. It may not be good, but with the extra free time I would have I would do that.

Charity? I would not give to a specific character. I would, however, find families in need and give them money.

Ultimately, and in conclusion, I know I wouldn't miss work and I wouldn't be bored !

Been A Long Time...

It's been awhile since I've written a blog. I hate saying I've been busy because that's such a typical excuse. Everyone's busy. Or, that's the excuse people give when they've been avoiding you. I did have a major life change in the form of a 16 pound human being that lives in the room next to mine. Her name is Shea. My daughter. And she's becoming more and more interesting and cute with each passing day. My wife still does the majority of the work but I help out when I can.

Babies are hilarious. The amount of things that change in the first 9 months of life is amazing. When they first come into your life they are useless. Can't do a darn thing! Can't even hold their head up. Now, Shea is crawling all over the place, sprouting teeth (which can't feel pleasant), standing up on things, holding her own bottle, making noises that are cute but not coherent, eating mushy food which smells gross and a myriad of other things that really aren't that incredible but considering what they did for the first 90 days it's pretty cool.

OK, baby food is hilarious. When a baby eats 'bananas' it's not bananas, it's yellow paste. When a baby eats 'chicken with veggies' it's brown paste. Green beans? Nope. Green paste. Strawberries? Nope. Red paste. You get the idea. 79 cents a jar. Yum!

Another thing I've noticed... everything a baby grabs goes right into their mouth. My daughter seems to love the remote control, cell phones- working or not doesn't matter, car keys, and anything else you can imagine that might have 4.5 million germs. Apparently her fake plastic toy keys don't have enough germs on them. She like her keys made of medal and germs. She can eat fake chicken and veggies but she likes real keys. Weird.

And there are things that make no sense to me when it comes to babies. Like shoes and socks? Why do we put shoes on a baby? They don't walk anywhere. And socks? Why bother? My kid just pulls them off and tries to eat them. Hats? Aren't those cute. Nope, babies don't care for those. But they'll chew on them for a while.

Ever tried dressing a baby? That's an adventure. Putting pants on a baby is no walk in the park. Snap-buttoning a onsie? Yeah, good luck with that. I can never get it right.

Picture time.

We take lots and lots of pictures of our babies. Isn't this fun? We try everything to make the baby:

1) look at the camera

2) smile

It rarely works. I feel bad for parents that raised kids in the pre-digital camera age. Poor saps probably wasted roll after roll of film just to get 3 decent pics of their kid. We shoot about 400 pics to try and get a few solid pics so we can show off our pride and joy. It's daunting.

But I will say this... it's worth it. Any parent that's ever picked up their baby and got a smile will tell you there's no greater joy in the world. And there isn't. I love my kid. Hopefully the next 6 months will bring more teeth, some hair, words that make sense, and walking. Fun stuff.

What Have You Done?

First-

Congratulations to the Lady Ags of A&M as they won the 2011 NCAA basketball tournament. UCONN and Stanford were the favorites but they didn't even make it to the championship game. Go Ags!

Ok, now for the show...

Kids got it good! Really good. Especially babies. I thought my dogs were spoiled. Well, they are, but nothing comes close to how spoiled babies are. They don't do anything. They get fed, cleaned, kissed, held, wiped, cuddled and pleased every single minute of the day. Waited on like royalty. And all the while they get packages in the mail for them. Tons and tons of clothes they'll never remember wearing, toys to stop them from crying (that they'll never remember), diapers they'll soil, and cards they don't know how to read. Must be nice.

You know who should be getting gifts in the mail? The parents! Especially the moms. My wife deserves new outfits, cool toys and nice cards and a few balloons too. My wife can use the new clothes because her current ones get baby spit all over them. And my wife knows how to read so a card would actually be appreciated.

What has my kid done to deserve this praise? Nothing. Not a damn thing. It's really silly if you ask me.

And then for the rest of a baby's life we celebrate the day they were born. Why do we do this? It's not an accomplishment. You know what is an accomplishment? Going through labor for 30 hours and spitting out a 6 pound person. That's an achievement we should celebrate with gifts and praise.

I think when women give birth they should forfeit their own birthday and take their offspring's birthday and call that 'Labor Day' and then celebrate that every single year. They've earned it. Trust me, they've earned it! I witnessed my wife's labor and it deserves plenty of praise. My daughter didn't do much but cry and whine and now were showering her with gifts while my wife is gettting no sleep and spit all over her old clothes that should be replaced by 'new' clothes because of the work she did.

This in no way means I don't love my daughter. I do. She's awesome. But it sure does make me laugh when I see all the stuff she's getting for just being cute.

Dads don't really deserve much. We're awkward at best in the caregiving department.

Cute as a Bug...

I've been a dad for 2 weeks. One thing is for sure....I still don't know what I'm doing. I hold the baby she cries. I give baby back to mommy and the baby is fine. Maybe I smell weird or don't hold her right. Who knows?

A few things I've noticed the last few weeks that make me laugh. In our baby room we have a little quote on the wall: Cute as a bug. Seriously, what the hell does that mean? Very common saying, but there's one problem with it...bugs aren't cute! I hate bugs. I do everything to get rid of bugs. I pay a guy 20 bucks a month to kill my bugs. So, why on earth do we have sayings like "cute as a bug"?!? It's comical to me.

Another thing I've noticed is that a lot of baby stuff- clothes, toys, sheets, etc.- utilize the smiling bear. A grizzly bear. Really? It's one of the most viscious animals in the world. One swipe from a bear paw can kill a human. And yet we make this animal look cute and happy and we put it all over our baby stuff. Weird.

Here's a question- how come we stop wearing onsies? Babies get to wear them all the time. They're so awesome! Very practical. Usually one color or one pattern. Easy buttons. No need for pants and a shirt and accesories. No dry cleaning or ironing. Hell, if I could wear them I wouldn't even throw on underwear. I'd buy a onsie for each day of the week. Different color or pattern. Whatever I felt like.

And lastly I have a big problem with this silly little simile: sleeping like a baby.

Sleeping like a baby?!?! So stupid. You could replace 'baby' with rock, burrito, old man and it would be a better figure of speech.

Why would any rational human being want to sleep like a baby? Who wants to go to bed and then wake up crying every 1-2 hours? Who has the urge to eat at 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.? Who in the hell started saying this in the first place?

Well, hopefully I'll be a good dad. No guarantees. It's a lot of work. My wife is a natural. I am not.

Until next time...

Fatherhood...

It's been a while. A long while. I am now officially a father. Hold the applause. Dry your eye. I'm not even really sure what I'm doing but I think I'll get the hang of it. The whole experience, honestly, was incredible. It's something that is impossible to describe unless you have kids yourself. We were admitted into the hospital on a Monday. The birth was Tuesday night. The baby came home Friday night.

Shea Lynn Stafford. Beautiful baby girl. I'm biased but she's the cutest girl in the world!

My wife was incredible. I have a whole new respect for her. And she's even more incredible to me than the day we married.

A six pound human being is really an incredible sight. You can literally hold the baby in one arm. I think I would compare a newborn to a 98 year old man/woman. I guess we come into this world and out of this world the same way: neck is weak so a lot of bobble heading. Poopy pants. No teeth. Wrinkly hands and feet. Lots of whining and complaining. Funny smell. Glassy eyes. Lots of sleeping during the day. Less sleeping at night. Fussy. Grumpy.

So far, so good. I'm sure parenthood will make for some comical moments. For those of you that read I'm sorry it's been a while. I'm trying my best. Until next time...

Executive Assistant Barista Coach

Titles. Is it me or have titles become too silly these days? Job titles especially. Important jobs, meaningless jobs, management jobs, minimum wage jobs. Doesn't matter. They're some titles out there...

The other day I was at Walgreen's. I had to do a double take at the check-out counter when I saw the name tag of the guy checking me out. Executive Assistant Manager. Huh? What the heck does that mean? Assistant manager I get. But what is an 'executive' assistant manager? Does he have more responsibility than an assistant manager but less than a manager? Does he get keys to the cash registers but not the safe? Is he allowed to develop pictures but not allowed to do refunds? I don't know.

When I was at Best Buy last month I needed some help. A lady at customer service kindly told me she'd get me a 'CSR' right away. "Thanks' I said and thought to myself what in the hell is a CSR? Well, a zit-faced teenage boy came over to me and helped me. His name was Clayton. His title: Customer Service Representative. Wow! I couldn't believe it. That's a fancy name for a pee-on making 7.75 an hour. No offense, Clayton.

I've seen at restaurants lately this title: server assistant. Now I've been in restaurants all my life. My dad managed one. He was the general manager. So I'd like to think I know the restaurant business a little bit. It has only been very recent that I have seen the title of server assistant. Why? Because for the last 75 years normal people have been calling them busboys!

General manager. Head Manager. In-store Manager. Assistant Manager. Associate manager. Executive Manager. Good grief...


My profession: Teacher, Professor, Instructor.

My favorite? Guest Teacher. That's what my PC school district calls substitute teachers. Hell, I find 'substitute teacher' much too fancy. I call them 'subs.' Sue me.

Doesn't starbucks call their employees something cool? Like Barista Technicians or something? Nonsense.

It's in sports too. Assistant head coach? Huh? Associate head coach? Again, huh? Sports Information Director???

And I still don't know what a key grip does. Do you?

My Papa Johns Experience

Better Ingredients. Better pizza. That's funny.

I'd like to recommend a new marketing slogan for Papa John's.

Better customer service. More return customers.

Or....

Give us 90 minutes. We'll get you a pizza.

I guess mine aren't that catchy.

The other night I had a terrible experience at Papa John's. But as I waited more than an hour and a half for my mediocre pizza I could only laugh at the whole situation. And I will return to Paps John's because the help wasn't rude, they were just buried with orders. They didn't lose me as a customer.

As if our society isn't lazy and fat enough we can now order pizza via the internet. Don't even have to talk to a human being. Just a few clicks and your pizza order gets rollin'. What a country we live in!

I ordered 2 pizzas for carry out from PJ's the other night. The order time was 6:22 p.m. The wait time I was given was was 35-40 minutes. Hey, no problem! I got to PJ's at 6:58 thinking that was about right.

I paid for my pizza at approximately 7:00. The sweaty girl with flour on her shirt told me: 5 minutes, sir.

Sure, no problem. I'll just wait.

Fast forward to 7:24 and I'm getting a little annoyed. I'm sitting in an area no bigger than my house's food pantry waiting for my order. The place is a zoo. A zoo! 9-12 employees frantically trying to keep up with the chaos. I kept myself entertained by counting how many delivery orders went out and how many drivers would return and yell "Driver In!!!" right in my ear because there was nowhere else to stand. If I moved anymore to the left of this place I would have been inside the soda machine. I could have gone outside but I was afraid they'd forget about my order.

There was an older gentlemen who was hating his life that appeared to be in charge of the pizza zoo. He kept looking at me as if to say: i'm sorry, this is a little more than 5 minutes, please don't flip out on me, it's really not my fault, and if you do yell at me I'm not going to care anyway because I hate this job and hate my life.

7:32- no pizza order yet. I've counted 12 employees working. 8 workers inside the zoo and 4 yelling delivery drivers. The zoo keeps chugging. I'm starting to just hand out sodas to people.

7:37- manager guy says my order is just about ready. He's trying his best but I'm tired and want to go home. Had I not paid for my order already I would have been at home with Wendy's by now.

7:44- manager guy has my order! And this is when manager guy says to me:

Here's your order sir... I think you'll like it.... Looks good.... Please be careful, it's very hot, it just came out of the oven.


I started laughing out loud and thought to myself:

No sh!t it's hot and just came out of the oven! I've been standing in your sweaty zoo for more than a half hour now waiting for this order I placed an hour and a half ago. I watched you make my pizza and put it in the oven. I then watched you take it out of the oven and put it in a box and hand it to me. I know it's hot and yes I'll be careful. Just give me my damn pizza.

He was nice about it but I couldn't help but laugh at his silly comment. The whole experience made me realize why I don't ever really go to PJ's in the first place. The pizza's OK- perhaps a step above Pizza Hut- but it's not worth a 90 minute wait. And nothing is worth hanging out in that little zoo of a pizza shop.

All in all, I thought pizza manager guy's comment was great. Truly made me laugh all the way home.


Oh Big Papa, oh big papa!

Easily Annoyed...

Things that have annoy me the last few times I've been out in public:

Parents who let their friggin’ 2 year old order food. We get it, OK. You’re trying to teach your kid socialization skills and how to be independent and all that jazz. Well, you know what? It’s stupid. Your kid and his limited vocabulary will have plenty of time to practice ordering food in his lifetime. Let’s save the lesson for another time. You’re annoying the person at the register and the 8 people behind you in line.


Guy with the hat who doesn’t remove the sticker. Take that stupid ass gold sticker off your hat. You look ridiculous. There’s nothing cool about wearing clothes that still have tags or stickers on them. I’ve heard these losers do this in order to steal hats from stores. This makes you an even bigger loser. Whoever started this ridiculous trend should be smacked.


Companies with facebook pages. I don’t get facebook in the first place but why on earth would you want to join Pizza Hut’s facebook page? I mean really. What’s the point? Are you going to connect with other people who eat at Pizza Hut or something? Hey, you like Pizza Hut? Me too! That’s amazing!
Visit us on Facebook. No thanks! So stupid.


8-9 year old kids on cell phones. My kid will not have a cell phone until he’s at least in high school. I see 8-9 year old kids texting and talking on cell phones all the time! Who is an 8 year old texting? Why does an 8 year old need a phone? How many people does an 8 year old kid really know? What important calls does an 8 year kid have to make? What moron of a parent is paying for this?


Movies and TV shows created/written by Tyler Perry. It’s insulting to black people that Tyler Perry assumes that black people would like the crap he puts out. That’s all I have to say about that. Bad movies. Bad TV. Obviously catered towards black people. But it’s awful. Nothing funny or endearing about any of his stuff. I’ve tried watching to see how this guy got so popular and I just can’t watch it. And I honestly don’t think black people can either.


The “I don’t eat the crust” pizza eater. Why? Why don’t you eat the crust? It’s the best part of the greatest food invention in all of mankind. And if you don’t find it to be the best part then go fly a kite. If you don’t like the crust then why not just put melted cheese, marinara sauce and pepperonis in a cup and eat them with a spoon? The crust is the same thing as the bread which is holding your pizza together. It’s the Essence of your pizza! God, this really annoys me. Eat the whole slice for goodness sakes!

What annoys you?

Pride...

Very rarely do I blog about my job. But the other day I witnessed something that gave me great pride. It really encompassed all the reasons why I love education and coaching. It didn't happen inside the classroom; it happened on the athletic field. It was truly inspiring and probably something I'll remember for a very long time.

Right now we are in the middle of intramurals. Practice basically. It's not mandatory but it is mandatory. We have about 35-40 kids that come out and we practice them altogether- 9th-12th graders. All talent levels. We go over all the things the kids need to know in the game of baseball. Although it's tough to recognize on a daily basis, the kids that come out and make the COMMITMENT get better over the course of the winter leading up to the season.

My coachig staff is exceptional. I'm very lucky. When I took over the program in '04 I was nervous. I didn't have one single assistant and I was young and didn't know much about running an athletic program. Trial by fire. Well, I survived, the kids survived, we've had some success, some fun, some ups and downs, and lo and behold I now have a really good, solid coaching staff. There's 6 of us. We're a team. And I consider all of them good friends of mine.

We don't always agree on everything, and sometimes we fight about stupid stuff, but one philosophy we all agree on is- a strong work ethic and commitment. We are constantly preaching to the kids to work hard, put the time and effort in, make yourself better, make the commitment to the team and yourself, discipline in and out of the classroom, etc.

Really, we're preaching life lessons more so than anything else but the kids usually don't realize it until years later when they're in the real world. If these kids (and people in general) want to find success in this world, really, there's no shortcuts. You have to work hard, be disciplined, be committed, and so on. Most successful people in this world got to where they are through hard work, showing up to work, persistance and perservance. It's the same thing we preach to the kids.

I am constantly saying: make the commitment, come to baseball every day, be on time, work hard, don't make excuses, and good things will happpen. If they make this committment, guess what? They usually make the team. I take pride in rewarding kids that work hard and put the time in. There's always a spot on the roster for a kid that busts his butt day in and day out, regardless of his talent level.

Well, in a perfect world 100% of your student-athletes would show this type of dedication every single day. Well, it's not a perfect world. Most of our kids make the commitment and come to school and baseball every single day and what do you know? They're baseball skills improve. And usually they do better in school too. Go figure. But often you get the excuses as to why a kid can't make it to baseball. They're all terrible excuses and honestly I don't like them. And being as I only missed one day of school in 4 years of high school and zero days of baseball, I can't relate.

Well, every once in a while something will happen on the ball field which serves as a perfect example of what you've been preaching for years...

We were doing a routine fly ball drill and one of our kids got absolutely drilled in the face by a fly ball. Basically, he caught the ball with his face. He went down hard and there was blood and spit and crap everywhere. It was gross and scared me to death. I rushed out to the kid, took him to the trainer and hoped for the best. He was going to need stitches as his right nostril was split completely open. This happened on a Monday. I figured I'd see the kid in a few days while he recuperated. This actually would have been a pretty reasonable excuse to miss a day or two of baseball.

Tuesday. Less than 24 hours after this incident occured...

I got out to the field and was taking roll. My usual routine. I got to this kid's spot on the roll sheet and called his name. As I was about to mark him absent I heard- "here". I was shocked. I looked up and there he was. His nose was all bandaged up and his glasses didn't even fit right because of the bandages. I talked to him after warm ups and he had 7 stitches in his nose. He had been at the doctor's office pretty much all night.

If that's not dedication, committment, and desire then I don't know what is. I had never felt so proud in all my life for a kid. It serves as the perfect example for all the things we are constantly preaching about to all of the kids that come out to baseball.

Committment...Dedication...Hard Work....Desire...

What else is there?

Adult Truths...

I got this in an email the other day from a friend of mine, Lauren Huseman. Although most of my blog is original work written by yours truly I cannot take credit for this. However, it's awesome and that's why I'm posting it:


ADULT TRUTHS
 
 
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
 you're wrong.
 
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
 younger.
 
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
 
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
 
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
 I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
 
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
 person died.
 
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
 
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
 
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
 when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
 rest of the day.
 
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
 want to have to restart my collection...again.
 
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
 I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
 did not make any changes to.
 
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
 answer when they call.
 
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
 Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
 
15. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
 
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
 
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
 smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
 prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
 sisters!
 
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
 
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
 know what time it is.
 
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
 in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
 but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
 in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
 
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
 the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
 to realize that their brain is also important.


Until Next Time...

Save the 'Dad' Talk....

My wife is now 6 months pregnant. 99% of the people I come in contact with ask me “How’s Erin doing?” Or “How’s the wife doing now?” Or the less communicative people “Wife OK?"

However, I was recently thrown a curve ball: How’s dad doing? I think my exact response was an awkward smile and "uh, good."

But then I thought to myself: Yeah, why not ask me?

Well, probably because I don’t have to gain weight, lose sleep, throw up, not drink beer, buy new clothes, go through labor and so on.

I also didn’t like how ‘Dad’ sounded. Yet. I’m not a dad. When my child is born I will be but not yet. You can’t be a 'dad' unless you have a physical baby. Something that poops and pees and cries and drools. I don’t have one yet so let’s save the ‘dad’ talk. I can't tell my wife's uterus to stop crying so again, let's hold off on 'dad'.

But to answer the question I’m doing just fine. Some people, well my wife, would argue that my life hasn’t changed at all. Not one bit. I beg to differ. It's changed. As much as my wife’s? Well, of course not, but it still has changed.

Just the other day we switched bedrooms. The guest room is no longer the guest room. And I can guarantee that if a baby wasn’t on the way this wouldn’t have happened. It didn’t take a long time to make the change but the baby room transformation has begun.

Names. Not once in my life have I ever thought what might sound cool with the name Stafford. Well, probably because my name is Derek Stafford, and it sounds alright to me. Well, now I'm in charge of naming another Stafford, so much of my idle time is thinking of names. I can guarantee you that 5 years ago, hell, 1 year ago, I never was thinking to myself: hmmmm, does the name James or Emily Stafford sound cool?

Drinking. Can I still drink? Yup. But it’s not the same without my wife being able to. It’s not. I enjoyed being able to drink some beers with my wife and I do feel bad that she can’t. She thinks I just love to drink without her and use her as a ride home. Not true. Well it is nice to have a driver, ha ha, but I guarantee that when my wife gives birth and we do our first post-baby happy hour it’ll be a great time! And it will be the best jaeger bomb ever! That is if we ever go out again.

Nerds. The candy. I haven’t eaten Nerds since I was 9 years old. Now I buy them all the time. Just the other day I ordered a case of 36 boxes of nerds. Why? Because my wife can’t get enough of them. Had a baby not been on the way my last box of consumed nerds would have been August of 1988. As it stands I'm eating watermelon nerds as I write this blog.

The biggest change:? Me. I’ve changed. My wife probably hasn’t noticed because I’m so awesome to begin with but since she’s been pregnant I have tried my damndest to be as helpful, caring, loving as possible. If my wife needs a cup of water in the middle of the night I’m her man. If she needs an onion to make dinner than I’m her man. If she needs a back scratch then I’m her man. If she needs her sink fixed then I call the plumber and he’s her man for a while, then I’m her man. If she needs Del Taco I’m her man. If she needs someone to bitch and moan at then I'm her man. If she needs her towel rack fixed I'm her man.

Ok, so I guess, technically, my life hasn’t changed a ton. But it’s definitely changed a bit. Life is different when a kid is on the way because when a kid is on the way your life is literally weeks away from being totally different. So your life does change. I mean, it has to.

Many people say it’s wonderful. It's a blessing. Greatest thing ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure it’s wonderful when your changing diapers at two in the morning. So, take ‘wonderful’ and ‘dad’ and put it on hold for awhile ☺


Until Nest Time....

Dad, I mean Derek.

Giving Thanks

First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving!

Things I’m thankful for but probably take for granted from time to time:

My health.

Being a U.S. citizen.

Having a job.

Having a home.

Being free to do what I want, when I want, usually how I want.

Having a good family.

Having a great set of friends.

Having an awesome wife who appreciates me most of the time.

Being a baseball coach. I really enjoy this part of my life.

Being 72 inches tall.

Murdock and Molly- my two dogs.

Having a retirement plan and health insurance.

God.

10 fingers and toes.

Thick hair.

All my teeth.

Plenty of toilet paper.

3 brother, 2 sisters. This falls under family, but i really enjoy being the oldest of my siblings. I think it's the most important job. I'm thankful I have it.

The ability to gamble. I’m not a degenerate but I enjoy the sportsbook.

Air conditioning in my home and my vehicle.

Food to eat.

A blog to write.


That’s all I got. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Matter of PrINciple....

Most people that know me know about my In-N-Out story/episode. Some people thinks it's stupid or stubborn of me to hold a grudge against arguably the best burger franchice in the history of the hamburger. First off, even though I haven't had In-N-Out going on 11 years, I still claim it's the best burger and fries money can buy. It truly is. The food I don't knock. And the customer service is excellent 99.5% of the time. Unfortunately for me- or for In-N-Out- depending on how you see it, is that one of the times that fall into the .5% percent was a time I was at In-N-Out.

The In-N-Out on Maryland Parkway (UNLV campus) was the store that did it. I had just enjoyed an animal-styled double-double and was going out to my truck to go home. My truck battery was dead. I needed to call someone for a ride or call a cab. This was before I had a cell phone, so I took some change and decided to use the pay phone out in front of the In-N-Out. To my dismay the pay phone was out of order. No biggy. I decided to go into In-N-Out and ask to borrow their phone. I kindly asked if I could use the phone and was told No. I explained that the payphone was broken and the answer was still No. I then asked the employee to see the manager. I was told No, he's busy. Lastly, and I was still being nice, I asked the employee if he could call Triple AAA for me. The answer- No. I was told that I could use the payphone outside several times (even though I stated several times it didn't work) and then I was told 'store policy' was to not let custiomers use the phone.

I wasn't asking for free food or the money in the register and I understand store policies but I thought this was ridiculous. On top of that the guy was being rude to me when he wasn't even busy. Very rare for In-N-Out to not be busy but at this time they weren't. I swore to myself after this experience I would never purchase In-N-Out burger again. I would not give one single cent to the company. To this day I haven't. Do I miss their burgers? At times, yes. It's damn good food. Will I ever go back to an In-N-out? Doubtful.

Many people think it's silly that I do this but it's OK. I think it's a matter of principle and I'm sticking to my guns. And considering how many high caloric choices there are out there I'm sure I'll be just fine without In-N-Out burger. They lost a customer for life. And I'd say that I used to eat In-N-Out about 5X a year. Doesn't sound like much but at 5X a year times $7 bucks a meal that's $35 a year. And take that times 11 years and that's $385 they losy out on so far. I'm sure they'll be just fine without me as I will without them.

Until Next Time.....

Hybrid Parking...Really?

I can't speak for other parts of the country but i'd assume it's happening in other cities, towns, and states. Now, I have a special place in my heart for the handicap and I'm all for helping out expecting mothers but if I want to drive a vehicle that burns regular octane gasoline then so be it!

I'm starting to see special parking spots in parking lots for "Hybrid Cars" and "Low Emissions Vehicles" and the such. Are you kidding me? Seriously!?

Expecting mothers? Fine. I understand. If you are with child then sure, pull up right next to the store.

Handicapped people? Of course and god bless you.

Employee of the Month? Cheesy as hell, but why not? Go for it buddy and congrats to you!

But this whole nonsense of allowing special spaces for hybrids and low emissions and cars that run on corn or whatever is just plain stupid to me. I would venture to say that most of the people driving those cars didn't buy the car for the special spot at the grocery store. Heck, I'd bet most of them didn't even buy the car to save the planet but rather for the long term investment of saving money on gas, that's all. Lord knows they didn't buy the car because of how cool they look because they look stupid.

I just don't get it. You drive a car that's a little safer for the environment so we're going to let you park closer? Doesn't add up to me.

What's next? "Having a Bad Day" parking spot? "Gay/Lesbian" parking spot? "My Husband's Cheating on Me" parking spot? How about "I'm Too Damn Lazy" parking spots or "Expecting Father" spots or even "I'm In a Hurry" parking spots?

I'm not making this up. In the last 3-4 months I've seen either "Hybrid" or "Low Emissions" parking spots popping up all over the place. Grocery stores, business parks, hotels/casinos, etc. It's crazy.

That's All. Thanks for reading...

Those were the Days...These are the Days

I recently turned 31. And the other day I was hanging around a younger, college type crowd. A younger kid asked me if I missed being in college and being in my early 20's. I didn't want to get into a long, philosophical conversation with this 20-year-old kid so I said something along the lines of... "Yeah man, those were the days. Best time of my life...."

But honestly, truthfully, I don't miss those days. And I think it's kind a shame when people say that.

Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed being 18-19 years old. In college, trying to get beer with a terrible ID, girls, balancing school and work. Wondering what party to go to. Good times.

I also enjoyed being 21 and getting to gamble legally, out of the house, still school and work, more freedom. Good stuff.

When I was 23 I started my teaching career and I look back at those days fondly. I was single, my career was just starting, I was coaching, having a great time.

Mid 20's I owned my car outright, my insurance premium was coming down, it took longer to get over a hangover, I felt more comfortable in my job, and life was good.

Late 20's was great too. Even better actually. Got married, making more money, new house. Life's good.

Now, I'm 31. Happily married. Awesome wife. Kid on the way. Still no car payment. Making 40% more money than when I started my career, 2nd job which I enjoy, good friends and good health insurance (something a 20 year old could care less about).

See, the thing is, I don't miss those days when I was younger. They were great times but I actually prefer being 31. My life is better. And I think if an individual works hard and values the right things, then life does get better with age. Or, it can get better with age. I don't feel like I peaked at 22 and I don't ever wish I was in high school again. Those days are gone, and although I look back on them with fondness, but I don't long for them. Life's good for this 31 year old. Hell, bring on 40! No, No. I take that back. Let's enjoy the 30's....

Gig Em!

Last weekend I was in College Station, TX. Home of the Texas A&M Fightin' Aggies! When God created ‘traditions’ he must have been thinking about Texas A&M. My Lord (no pun intended) this school has some traditions. There’s traditions for everything. I can’t verify this but this school probably has a tradition for your first restroom experience on campus. Who knows?

Well, one of the many traditions in AggieLand is this thing called the “ring dunk.” I’m not an Aggie so my terminology might be off but basically it’s a time-honored tradition for when a soon-to-be graduate gets their class ring. It happens when the coed has enough credits (usually junior year some time). Well when the ring comes in the student dunks his/her ring in a pitcher of beer. Usually, several students participate in the “dunk” altogether. It's an event.

The idea is simple. Drink all the beer until you get the ring in your mouth. Try not to puke your face off and then put the ring on your finger. Yeah! It’s preferred that you drink as fast as possible. Puking is expected. From what I have gathered, you're exceptionally ‘cool’ if you can do this quickly and not lose your lunch. Well, this past weekend I got to witness one of these events. It was amazing! I got teary-eyed just watching it. Mind you I didn't know any of the ring dunkers and I get emotional for no reason sometimes.

Heck, I don’t even have a class ring. And as much as I love beer I’ve never slammed a whole pitcher of it. I got chills watching this in action. I saw a couple tough guys puke but all in all it was such a cool thing to witness. I really do have a place in my heart for College Station and I’m glad I married an Aggie. It’s truly a wonderful place and it is truly an experience in itself. The tailgating was unbelievable, as was the game I attended. But the best part of the whole experience is the people. People care for one another and there’s only one thing that matters… a Texas Aggie victory.

I encourage anyone reading this to go to a Texas A&M game. Spend the weekend there. Go to Whattaburger, Chick-Fil-A, Yell Practice, the Dixie Chicken and yell gig ‘em to a couple strangers. I promise you this… you’ll love it!

The Good Life of My Dogs...

The other day I was half asleep on the couch and Animal Planet was on the tube. I heard some lady say something like “poor doggy” and I don’t believe she was talking about this dog’s financial situation and I did notice the dog was in relatively healthy shape, so it got me to thinking…

The majority of dogs in this world (including my dogs) have an amazingly wonderful life. My dogs have it good and I wouldn’t even consider them spoiled.

Luxuries my dogs have that I don’t:

My dogs do not have to work. Not one single day of my dogs' life will they have to log any hours at a job.

Sleep. My dogs get as much sleep as they possibly want. In fact, sleep is one of their “to-do’s” every single day. Must be nice.

Wiping after pottying. Nope. They just get to go and that’s it. No additional work.

Food. Their meals are given to them everyday. No variety? Who cares. They get fed twice a day. No preparation and no clean up. Not too shabby.

Weekends? Every day is Friday for my dogs.

Annoying people. No worries. My dogs can’t understand English and therefore if someone annoys them they can just walk away.

Exercise. My dogs enjoy it but if they don’t do it it doesn’t matter anyway. They’re in great shape no matter what.

Complete joy, happiness and fulfillment. They get this every time someone comes home. It’s like they hit the doggy lottery when the garage door opens.

So don’t ever, ever feel sorry for a dog. Well, don’t feel sorry for my dogs anyway.

Ruff.

Untitled

As strong as you are let me catch you when you fall

Reaching out to stars might not be enough today

Show me your soul through your words

That’s how I want to

That’s how I want to Remember you

I’d like to say hello with no words

I’d like to choose my way but I can’t choose yours

That’s how I want to

That’s how I want to Remember you

We can make it but we’re running short on time

But there’s a chance it may not work

That’s how I want to

Remember us