Code Red! The convicts have escaped...

Ok, it’s Sunday. Lazy day. Sabbath. Lifetime TV. Little wine. Relaxation.

Nope. My wife had to work today. She had to work yesterday. So basically, she doesn’t get a day off this week. My fault- I got her the jobs(s). I need my woman to work! So, today I’m relaxing and watching a very bad Lifetime movie about a man and a woman and an affair and handcuffs. It was bad. But I was hooked!
Erin calls me on the phone and tells me that our neighbor across the street has carpet rolls on her curb. I played off the conversation like it was no thang but really I was excited. All I could think about was an entire garage of carpet. I’d never have to wear shoes in the house ever again! Awesome. So, I got off the phone, ran out the front door, and decided to grab some carpet treasure. I got me a couple rolls and deviously ran back into my home.
I got back on the couch, caught my breath, and took a sip of my Merlot. Victory! Free carpet. Get off my shit. Well, that didn’t last long. As soon as comfort set in, hell broke loose. The wind blew my front door wide open, which reminded my dumb ass that I never shut it completely. I feebly yelled, “Murdy, Molly!” and then panic set in. They were gone. I jumped off the couch like the crack of a pistol and ran out the door. The dogs were gone. You’d think these two were on death row. Murdock and Molly would not be caught. They were off to freedom! I ran around the block and saw the neighbors outside pointing west… “Go west son, the dogs are heading west!” West my ass, I got in the Dodge and started driving. Meanwhile, I got Erin on the phone and gave it the usual- ‘The dogs got out! The dogs got out!” Which really means- "Sh!t! I’m an idiot. I left the door open, the dogs got out, help me..."

So to wrap it up- we got em! I really don’t get it. Our dogs are pampered. They are treated like royalty. And the minute the front door shows daylight they head for the hills. No love, no loyalty. You’d think we starve them and beat them the way they run out on us. Whatever, we don’t need this grief. Next time they run for the hills I’m staying right on the couch.

I'm tired.