You know you’re getting old when you find yourself complaining about loud music, BUT recently I think I had reason! I was at the outlet mall last week and my wife decided to go into the Guess Clothing/Accessory store. I went on my way and told her to just meet me later. Believe it or not, this cool guy doesn't wear Guess. I walked around for like 15 minutes and ran into a guy selling sea salt crap that you’re supposed to rub on your hands and it makes your hands feel like butter or something. The guy called it “magic” like 6 times during his spiel on me. I should have never stopped. But I did and…
I was thinking to myself: my hands feel the same. I mean I guess they're a little smoother and they feel nice and all but I wouldn’t say magic. If I grew an extra thumb or was able to shoot lasers or spider webs out of my fingertips then, yes, I could agree with this French guy’s claim that this salt makes ‘magic’ out of my hands. When Pierre told me this salt crap cost 60 bucks for like a 2 ounce bottle I made my own magic and disappeared from his little kiosk. See ya!
Ok, back to my ‘loud music’ comment. I really like music. I do. And there are times I like my music loud. I do. But, you know, I’m not a huge fan of blasting loud techno music when I’m looking for jeans. I wasn’t in the market for jeans that day. Actually, come to think of it, I don't really ever buy clothes.
I really only went back to the Guess store because my wife was still in there and I was bored. I was done with French Salt Lick guy and I needed to track my wife down so our trip to the outlet wouldn’t last for 6 hours. I go into the store and I almost went deaf! They had speakers set up everywhere and employees were doing weird dances and I couldn’t even hear myself think. I don’t know why or how anyone could get anything done in that store. I think an employee asked me if I needed help but since I couldn’t hear- and I don’t know sign language- I just shrugged and yelled as loud as I could: I’m OK, JUST LOOKING AROUND! Seriously, I had to yell this. The poor 17 year old girl probably thought I was an idiot.
I wonder how the staff even communicates with one another...
Boss: Janet can you come in tomorrow at 8?
Employee: No, I don’t want to go on a date!
Employee A: Hey, help me fold those jeans.
Employee B: Yeah, Terry really is mean.
After I got out of the store it felt like I had just left a White Stripes concert. It was awful. A terrible experience. I asked my wife about it since her degree is in marketing and she said loud music attracts a younger crowd and reminds buyers of being in a club.
Well, I guess that makes sense. And let's be honest, I’m not really Guess’s target customer when they’re thinking of ideas to sell their products.
Hmmm, maybe one day Guess will make a really nice pair of jogging pants and a sharp looking line of cotton cut-off shirts. Then, I’ll grab my ear plugs and come rushing back to their store. Probably not…
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