TAP OUT!

Well, I’m watching the NFC Championship and my wife says to me, “I’m going to pick out a picture and you should blog about it.” I mean, that’s a lot of pressure. I’ve only been blogging for like a month. Some blogs are OK, some are funny, some are boring. I guess as long as I’m keeping my Texas followers satisfied that’s all that matters. Well, here goes.

You see the picture? This is what I remember...

This picture was taken at a bar called “TAPS” in Aberdeen, South Dakota. It was in the summer at my good friend Mike Bauder’s wedding. This glorious establishment was inside of our hotel. And thank goodness for that because by the time I “tapped out” I was in no condition to do anything but pee and then go to bed. And luckily I did the pee part before the sleep part.

Ok, Mike’s brother Chris (the porn star looking guy with the mustache and knuckle tattoos) and I decided that we needed to try the bar challenge. The challenge- your table has to drink 1,000 ounces of beer in one sitting. If you do this they pay for your bar tab, give you free food for a month, these really cool T-shirts and $100 cash for your table. Actually, that’s a lie. You get your picture up on the wall, a bloated bladder, a headache, a hangover and a very large bar tab- tip not included, thank you very much. That’s it.

Well, we decided to try it. Not one of my better life decisions. Why, you ask? First off, we all had been drinking that afternoon before trying this. We weren’t ready for this type of shenanigans. Secondly, I’m 30 years old, not 19. And most importantly…I had to drive 300 miles the next morning to catch a flight back home. Not a smart idea. But who could resist a challenge like this? Not me. Certainly, not me. Bring on the challenge.

In the picture of our celebration you see 8 happy, inebriated, accomplished beer-guzzling champions. Don’t let that fool you. Really, it was only me, Erin, Chris and his girlfriend Rachel doing the majority of the drinking. 8 people would have been smart to take on this venture but we really only had 4 people doing this. The others in the picture are the wedding boy Mike (nice ‘DARE’ shirt dude- are you 9?), his 2 sisters Kayla and Courtney, and Courtney’s boyfriend Andy (bald-headed guy- he helped for the home stretch).

Of course, I’m giving a peace sign. What am I ‘peacing’? I’m a nerd. How am I married?

Again, 1000 ounces!

I would venture to say that 800 of the ounces were consumed by the 4 major players. The other 4 probably consumed 200 of the 1,000. Yeah, thanks. Where were they when we were at 175 ounces and already drunk?

Let's stop for a moment and do the math. 200 ounces each for the MP’s (major players). And 2 of these were girls. So, that’s like sixteen 12 ounce beers each after a day where we were already drinking. Not bad, huh? Honestly, I don’t think any of us look that bad in the picture. Well, we should have taken a picture at 8:00 the next morning and had them put that on the wall as a warning to other patrons- NEVER EVER TRY THIS or you may look like this tomorrow morning.

All in all, our trip to South Dakota was great. This picture hangs at the “Taps” bar to this day. I don’t really like to brag about drinking exploits (I mean why? Who cares?) but this was quite the feat. Erin and I made it to the airport the next day, caught our flight, and made it home safely. I’m not sure if I’ll ever make it back to Aberdeen but this place will always have a place in my heart.

1,000 ounces. We did it. And no one can ever take that away from us.

Cheers.