Things that have annoy me the last few times I've been out in public:
Parents who let their friggin’ 2 year old order food. We get it, OK. You’re trying to teach your kid socialization skills and how to be independent and all that jazz. Well, you know what? It’s stupid. Your kid and his limited vocabulary will have plenty of time to practice ordering food in his lifetime. Let’s save the lesson for another time. You’re annoying the person at the register and the 8 people behind you in line.
Guy with the hat who doesn’t remove the sticker. Take that stupid ass gold sticker off your hat. You look ridiculous. There’s nothing cool about wearing clothes that still have tags or stickers on them. I’ve heard these losers do this in order to steal hats from stores. This makes you an even bigger loser. Whoever started this ridiculous trend should be smacked.
Companies with facebook pages. I don’t get facebook in the first place but why on earth would you want to join Pizza Hut’s facebook page? I mean really. What’s the point? Are you going to connect with other people who eat at Pizza Hut or something? Hey, you like Pizza Hut? Me too! That’s amazing!
Visit us on Facebook. No thanks! So stupid.
8-9 year old kids on cell phones. My kid will not have a cell phone until he’s at least in high school. I see 8-9 year old kids texting and talking on cell phones all the time! Who is an 8 year old texting? Why does an 8 year old need a phone? How many people does an 8 year old kid really know? What important calls does an 8 year kid have to make? What moron of a parent is paying for this?
Movies and TV shows created/written by Tyler Perry. It’s insulting to black people that Tyler Perry assumes that black people would like the crap he puts out. That’s all I have to say about that. Bad movies. Bad TV. Obviously catered towards black people. But it’s awful. Nothing funny or endearing about any of his stuff. I’ve tried watching to see how this guy got so popular and I just can’t watch it. And I honestly don’t think black people can either.
The “I don’t eat the crust” pizza eater. Why? Why don’t you eat the crust? It’s the best part of the greatest food invention in all of mankind. And if you don’t find it to be the best part then go fly a kite. If you don’t like the crust then why not just put melted cheese, marinara sauce and pepperonis in a cup and eat them with a spoon? The crust is the same thing as the bread which is holding your pizza together. It’s the Essence of your pizza! God, this really annoys me. Eat the whole slice for goodness sakes!
What annoys you?
The 80's- What a Decade!!!
The 80's!-- What a Decade
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Pride...
Very rarely do I blog about my job. But the other day I witnessed something that gave me great pride. It really encompassed all the reasons why I love education and coaching. It didn't happen inside the classroom; it happened on the athletic field. It was truly inspiring and probably something I'll remember for a very long time.
Right now we are in the middle of intramurals. Practice basically. It's not mandatory but it is mandatory. We have about 35-40 kids that come out and we practice them altogether- 9th-12th graders. All talent levels. We go over all the things the kids need to know in the game of baseball. Although it's tough to recognize on a daily basis, the kids that come out and make the COMMITMENT get better over the course of the winter leading up to the season.
My coachig staff is exceptional. I'm very lucky. When I took over the program in '04 I was nervous. I didn't have one single assistant and I was young and didn't know much about running an athletic program. Trial by fire. Well, I survived, the kids survived, we've had some success, some fun, some ups and downs, and lo and behold I now have a really good, solid coaching staff. There's 6 of us. We're a team. And I consider all of them good friends of mine.
We don't always agree on everything, and sometimes we fight about stupid stuff, but one philosophy we all agree on is- a strong work ethic and commitment. We are constantly preaching to the kids to work hard, put the time and effort in, make yourself better, make the commitment to the team and yourself, discipline in and out of the classroom, etc.
Really, we're preaching life lessons more so than anything else but the kids usually don't realize it until years later when they're in the real world. If these kids (and people in general) want to find success in this world, really, there's no shortcuts. You have to work hard, be disciplined, be committed, and so on. Most successful people in this world got to where they are through hard work, showing up to work, persistance and perservance. It's the same thing we preach to the kids.
I am constantly saying: make the commitment, come to baseball every day, be on time, work hard, don't make excuses, and good things will happpen. If they make this committment, guess what? They usually make the team. I take pride in rewarding kids that work hard and put the time in. There's always a spot on the roster for a kid that busts his butt day in and day out, regardless of his talent level.
Well, in a perfect world 100% of your student-athletes would show this type of dedication every single day. Well, it's not a perfect world. Most of our kids make the commitment and come to school and baseball every single day and what do you know? They're baseball skills improve. And usually they do better in school too. Go figure. But often you get the excuses as to why a kid can't make it to baseball. They're all terrible excuses and honestly I don't like them. And being as I only missed one day of school in 4 years of high school and zero days of baseball, I can't relate.
Well, every once in a while something will happen on the ball field which serves as a perfect example of what you've been preaching for years...
We were doing a routine fly ball drill and one of our kids got absolutely drilled in the face by a fly ball. Basically, he caught the ball with his face. He went down hard and there was blood and spit and crap everywhere. It was gross and scared me to death. I rushed out to the kid, took him to the trainer and hoped for the best. He was going to need stitches as his right nostril was split completely open. This happened on a Monday. I figured I'd see the kid in a few days while he recuperated. This actually would have been a pretty reasonable excuse to miss a day or two of baseball.
Tuesday. Less than 24 hours after this incident occured...
I got out to the field and was taking roll. My usual routine. I got to this kid's spot on the roll sheet and called his name. As I was about to mark him absent I heard- "here". I was shocked. I looked up and there he was. His nose was all bandaged up and his glasses didn't even fit right because of the bandages. I talked to him after warm ups and he had 7 stitches in his nose. He had been at the doctor's office pretty much all night.
If that's not dedication, committment, and desire then I don't know what is. I had never felt so proud in all my life for a kid. It serves as the perfect example for all the things we are constantly preaching about to all of the kids that come out to baseball.
Committment...Dedication...Hard Work....Desire...
What else is there?
Right now we are in the middle of intramurals. Practice basically. It's not mandatory but it is mandatory. We have about 35-40 kids that come out and we practice them altogether- 9th-12th graders. All talent levels. We go over all the things the kids need to know in the game of baseball. Although it's tough to recognize on a daily basis, the kids that come out and make the COMMITMENT get better over the course of the winter leading up to the season.
My coachig staff is exceptional. I'm very lucky. When I took over the program in '04 I was nervous. I didn't have one single assistant and I was young and didn't know much about running an athletic program. Trial by fire. Well, I survived, the kids survived, we've had some success, some fun, some ups and downs, and lo and behold I now have a really good, solid coaching staff. There's 6 of us. We're a team. And I consider all of them good friends of mine.
We don't always agree on everything, and sometimes we fight about stupid stuff, but one philosophy we all agree on is- a strong work ethic and commitment. We are constantly preaching to the kids to work hard, put the time and effort in, make yourself better, make the commitment to the team and yourself, discipline in and out of the classroom, etc.
Really, we're preaching life lessons more so than anything else but the kids usually don't realize it until years later when they're in the real world. If these kids (and people in general) want to find success in this world, really, there's no shortcuts. You have to work hard, be disciplined, be committed, and so on. Most successful people in this world got to where they are through hard work, showing up to work, persistance and perservance. It's the same thing we preach to the kids.
I am constantly saying: make the commitment, come to baseball every day, be on time, work hard, don't make excuses, and good things will happpen. If they make this committment, guess what? They usually make the team. I take pride in rewarding kids that work hard and put the time in. There's always a spot on the roster for a kid that busts his butt day in and day out, regardless of his talent level.
Well, in a perfect world 100% of your student-athletes would show this type of dedication every single day. Well, it's not a perfect world. Most of our kids make the commitment and come to school and baseball every single day and what do you know? They're baseball skills improve. And usually they do better in school too. Go figure. But often you get the excuses as to why a kid can't make it to baseball. They're all terrible excuses and honestly I don't like them. And being as I only missed one day of school in 4 years of high school and zero days of baseball, I can't relate.
Well, every once in a while something will happen on the ball field which serves as a perfect example of what you've been preaching for years...
We were doing a routine fly ball drill and one of our kids got absolutely drilled in the face by a fly ball. Basically, he caught the ball with his face. He went down hard and there was blood and spit and crap everywhere. It was gross and scared me to death. I rushed out to the kid, took him to the trainer and hoped for the best. He was going to need stitches as his right nostril was split completely open. This happened on a Monday. I figured I'd see the kid in a few days while he recuperated. This actually would have been a pretty reasonable excuse to miss a day or two of baseball.
Tuesday. Less than 24 hours after this incident occured...
I got out to the field and was taking roll. My usual routine. I got to this kid's spot on the roll sheet and called his name. As I was about to mark him absent I heard- "here". I was shocked. I looked up and there he was. His nose was all bandaged up and his glasses didn't even fit right because of the bandages. I talked to him after warm ups and he had 7 stitches in his nose. He had been at the doctor's office pretty much all night.
If that's not dedication, committment, and desire then I don't know what is. I had never felt so proud in all my life for a kid. It serves as the perfect example for all the things we are constantly preaching about to all of the kids that come out to baseball.
Committment...Dedication...Hard Work....Desire...
What else is there?
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Adult Truths...
I got this in an email the other day from a friend of mine, Lauren Huseman. Although most of my blog is original work written by yours truly I cannot take credit for this. However, it's awesome and that's why I'm posting it:
ADULT TRUTHS
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
15. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
to realize that their brain is also important.
Until Next Time...
ADULT TRUTHS
1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize
you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was
younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure
I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the
rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't
want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if
I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I
did not make any changes to.
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to
answer when they call.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
15. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
17. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and
smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to
prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and
sisters!
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,
and you can wear them forever.
20. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not
know what time it is.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys
in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey -
but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away,
in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men
to realize that their brain is also important.
Until Next Time...
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Save the 'Dad' Talk....
My wife is now 6 months pregnant. 99% of the people I come in contact with ask me “How’s Erin doing?” Or “How’s the wife doing now?” Or the less communicative people “Wife OK?"
However, I was recently thrown a curve ball: How’s dad doing? I think my exact response was an awkward smile and "uh, good."
But then I thought to myself: Yeah, why not ask me?
Well, probably because I don’t have to gain weight, lose sleep, throw up, not drink beer, buy new clothes, go through labor and so on.
I also didn’t like how ‘Dad’ sounded. Yet. I’m not a dad. When my child is born I will be but not yet. You can’t be a 'dad' unless you have a physical baby. Something that poops and pees and cries and drools. I don’t have one yet so let’s save the ‘dad’ talk. I can't tell my wife's uterus to stop crying so again, let's hold off on 'dad'.
But to answer the question I’m doing just fine. Some people, well my wife, would argue that my life hasn’t changed at all. Not one bit. I beg to differ. It's changed. As much as my wife’s? Well, of course not, but it still has changed.
Just the other day we switched bedrooms. The guest room is no longer the guest room. And I can guarantee that if a baby wasn’t on the way this wouldn’t have happened. It didn’t take a long time to make the change but the baby room transformation has begun.
Names. Not once in my life have I ever thought what might sound cool with the name Stafford. Well, probably because my name is Derek Stafford, and it sounds alright to me. Well, now I'm in charge of naming another Stafford, so much of my idle time is thinking of names. I can guarantee you that 5 years ago, hell, 1 year ago, I never was thinking to myself: hmmmm, does the name James or Emily Stafford sound cool?
Drinking. Can I still drink? Yup. But it’s not the same without my wife being able to. It’s not. I enjoyed being able to drink some beers with my wife and I do feel bad that she can’t. She thinks I just love to drink without her and use her as a ride home. Not true. Well it is nice to have a driver, ha ha, but I guarantee that when my wife gives birth and we do our first post-baby happy hour it’ll be a great time! And it will be the best jaeger bomb ever! That is if we ever go out again.
Nerds. The candy. I haven’t eaten Nerds since I was 9 years old. Now I buy them all the time. Just the other day I ordered a case of 36 boxes of nerds. Why? Because my wife can’t get enough of them. Had a baby not been on the way my last box of consumed nerds would have been August of 1988. As it stands I'm eating watermelon nerds as I write this blog.
The biggest change:? Me. I’ve changed. My wife probably hasn’t noticed because I’m so awesome to begin with but since she’s been pregnant I have tried my damndest to be as helpful, caring, loving as possible. If my wife needs a cup of water in the middle of the night I’m her man. If she needs an onion to make dinner than I’m her man. If she needs a back scratch then I’m her man. If she needs her sink fixed then I call the plumber and he’s her man for a while, then I’m her man. If she needs Del Taco I’m her man. If she needs someone to bitch and moan at then I'm her man. If she needs her towel rack fixed I'm her man.
Ok, so I guess, technically, my life hasn’t changed a ton. But it’s definitely changed a bit. Life is different when a kid is on the way because when a kid is on the way your life is literally weeks away from being totally different. So your life does change. I mean, it has to.
Many people say it’s wonderful. It's a blessing. Greatest thing ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure it’s wonderful when your changing diapers at two in the morning. So, take ‘wonderful’ and ‘dad’ and put it on hold for awhile ☺
Until Nest Time....
Dad, I mean Derek.
However, I was recently thrown a curve ball: How’s dad doing? I think my exact response was an awkward smile and "uh, good."
But then I thought to myself: Yeah, why not ask me?
Well, probably because I don’t have to gain weight, lose sleep, throw up, not drink beer, buy new clothes, go through labor and so on.
I also didn’t like how ‘Dad’ sounded. Yet. I’m not a dad. When my child is born I will be but not yet. You can’t be a 'dad' unless you have a physical baby. Something that poops and pees and cries and drools. I don’t have one yet so let’s save the ‘dad’ talk. I can't tell my wife's uterus to stop crying so again, let's hold off on 'dad'.
But to answer the question I’m doing just fine. Some people, well my wife, would argue that my life hasn’t changed at all. Not one bit. I beg to differ. It's changed. As much as my wife’s? Well, of course not, but it still has changed.
Just the other day we switched bedrooms. The guest room is no longer the guest room. And I can guarantee that if a baby wasn’t on the way this wouldn’t have happened. It didn’t take a long time to make the change but the baby room transformation has begun.
Names. Not once in my life have I ever thought what might sound cool with the name Stafford. Well, probably because my name is Derek Stafford, and it sounds alright to me. Well, now I'm in charge of naming another Stafford, so much of my idle time is thinking of names. I can guarantee you that 5 years ago, hell, 1 year ago, I never was thinking to myself: hmmmm, does the name James or Emily Stafford sound cool?
Drinking. Can I still drink? Yup. But it’s not the same without my wife being able to. It’s not. I enjoyed being able to drink some beers with my wife and I do feel bad that she can’t. She thinks I just love to drink without her and use her as a ride home. Not true. Well it is nice to have a driver, ha ha, but I guarantee that when my wife gives birth and we do our first post-baby happy hour it’ll be a great time! And it will be the best jaeger bomb ever! That is if we ever go out again.
Nerds. The candy. I haven’t eaten Nerds since I was 9 years old. Now I buy them all the time. Just the other day I ordered a case of 36 boxes of nerds. Why? Because my wife can’t get enough of them. Had a baby not been on the way my last box of consumed nerds would have been August of 1988. As it stands I'm eating watermelon nerds as I write this blog.
The biggest change:? Me. I’ve changed. My wife probably hasn’t noticed because I’m so awesome to begin with but since she’s been pregnant I have tried my damndest to be as helpful, caring, loving as possible. If my wife needs a cup of water in the middle of the night I’m her man. If she needs an onion to make dinner than I’m her man. If she needs a back scratch then I’m her man. If she needs her sink fixed then I call the plumber and he’s her man for a while, then I’m her man. If she needs Del Taco I’m her man. If she needs someone to bitch and moan at then I'm her man. If she needs her towel rack fixed I'm her man.
Ok, so I guess, technically, my life hasn’t changed a ton. But it’s definitely changed a bit. Life is different when a kid is on the way because when a kid is on the way your life is literally weeks away from being totally different. So your life does change. I mean, it has to.
Many people say it’s wonderful. It's a blessing. Greatest thing ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sure it’s wonderful when your changing diapers at two in the morning. So, take ‘wonderful’ and ‘dad’ and put it on hold for awhile ☺
Until Nest Time....
Dad, I mean Derek.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Giving Thanks
First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving!
Things I’m thankful for but probably take for granted from time to time:
My health.
Being a U.S. citizen.
Having a job.
Having a home.
Being free to do what I want, when I want, usually how I want.
Having a good family.
Having a great set of friends.
Having an awesome wife who appreciates me most of the time.
Being a baseball coach. I really enjoy this part of my life.
Being 72 inches tall.
Murdock and Molly- my two dogs.
Having a retirement plan and health insurance.
God.
10 fingers and toes.
Thick hair.
All my teeth.
Plenty of toilet paper.
3 brother, 2 sisters. This falls under family, but i really enjoy being the oldest of my siblings. I think it's the most important job. I'm thankful I have it.
The ability to gamble. I’m not a degenerate but I enjoy the sportsbook.
Air conditioning in my home and my vehicle.
Food to eat.
A blog to write.
That’s all I got. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Things I’m thankful for but probably take for granted from time to time:
My health.
Being a U.S. citizen.
Having a job.
Having a home.
Being free to do what I want, when I want, usually how I want.
Having a good family.
Having a great set of friends.
Having an awesome wife who appreciates me most of the time.
Being a baseball coach. I really enjoy this part of my life.
Being 72 inches tall.
Murdock and Molly- my two dogs.
Having a retirement plan and health insurance.
God.
10 fingers and toes.
Thick hair.
All my teeth.
Plenty of toilet paper.
3 brother, 2 sisters. This falls under family, but i really enjoy being the oldest of my siblings. I think it's the most important job. I'm thankful I have it.
The ability to gamble. I’m not a degenerate but I enjoy the sportsbook.
Air conditioning in my home and my vehicle.
Food to eat.
A blog to write.
That’s all I got. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Matter of PrINciple....
Most people that know me know about my In-N-Out story/episode. Some people thinks it's stupid or stubborn of me to hold a grudge against arguably the best burger franchice in the history of the hamburger. First off, even though I haven't had In-N-Out going on 11 years, I still claim it's the best burger and fries money can buy. It truly is. The food I don't knock. And the customer service is excellent 99.5% of the time. Unfortunately for me- or for In-N-Out- depending on how you see it, is that one of the times that fall into the .5% percent was a time I was at In-N-Out.
The In-N-Out on Maryland Parkway (UNLV campus) was the store that did it. I had just enjoyed an animal-styled double-double and was going out to my truck to go home. My truck battery was dead. I needed to call someone for a ride or call a cab. This was before I had a cell phone, so I took some change and decided to use the pay phone out in front of the In-N-Out. To my dismay the pay phone was out of order. No biggy. I decided to go into In-N-Out and ask to borrow their phone. I kindly asked if I could use the phone and was told No. I explained that the payphone was broken and the answer was still No. I then asked the employee to see the manager. I was told No, he's busy. Lastly, and I was still being nice, I asked the employee if he could call Triple AAA for me. The answer- No. I was told that I could use the payphone outside several times (even though I stated several times it didn't work) and then I was told 'store policy' was to not let custiomers use the phone.
I wasn't asking for free food or the money in the register and I understand store policies but I thought this was ridiculous. On top of that the guy was being rude to me when he wasn't even busy. Very rare for In-N-Out to not be busy but at this time they weren't. I swore to myself after this experience I would never purchase In-N-Out burger again. I would not give one single cent to the company. To this day I haven't. Do I miss their burgers? At times, yes. It's damn good food. Will I ever go back to an In-N-out? Doubtful.
Many people think it's silly that I do this but it's OK. I think it's a matter of principle and I'm sticking to my guns. And considering how many high caloric choices there are out there I'm sure I'll be just fine without In-N-Out burger. They lost a customer for life. And I'd say that I used to eat In-N-Out about 5X a year. Doesn't sound like much but at 5X a year times $7 bucks a meal that's $35 a year. And take that times 11 years and that's $385 they losy out on so far. I'm sure they'll be just fine without me as I will without them.
Until Next Time.....
The In-N-Out on Maryland Parkway (UNLV campus) was the store that did it. I had just enjoyed an animal-styled double-double and was going out to my truck to go home. My truck battery was dead. I needed to call someone for a ride or call a cab. This was before I had a cell phone, so I took some change and decided to use the pay phone out in front of the In-N-Out. To my dismay the pay phone was out of order. No biggy. I decided to go into In-N-Out and ask to borrow their phone. I kindly asked if I could use the phone and was told No. I explained that the payphone was broken and the answer was still No. I then asked the employee to see the manager. I was told No, he's busy. Lastly, and I was still being nice, I asked the employee if he could call Triple AAA for me. The answer- No. I was told that I could use the payphone outside several times (even though I stated several times it didn't work) and then I was told 'store policy' was to not let custiomers use the phone.
I wasn't asking for free food or the money in the register and I understand store policies but I thought this was ridiculous. On top of that the guy was being rude to me when he wasn't even busy. Very rare for In-N-Out to not be busy but at this time they weren't. I swore to myself after this experience I would never purchase In-N-Out burger again. I would not give one single cent to the company. To this day I haven't. Do I miss their burgers? At times, yes. It's damn good food. Will I ever go back to an In-N-out? Doubtful.
Many people think it's silly that I do this but it's OK. I think it's a matter of principle and I'm sticking to my guns. And considering how many high caloric choices there are out there I'm sure I'll be just fine without In-N-Out burger. They lost a customer for life. And I'd say that I used to eat In-N-Out about 5X a year. Doesn't sound like much but at 5X a year times $7 bucks a meal that's $35 a year. And take that times 11 years and that's $385 they losy out on so far. I'm sure they'll be just fine without me as I will without them.
Until Next Time.....
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Hybrid Parking...Really?
I can't speak for other parts of the country but i'd assume it's happening in other cities, towns, and states. Now, I have a special place in my heart for the handicap and I'm all for helping out expecting mothers but if I want to drive a vehicle that burns regular octane gasoline then so be it!
I'm starting to see special parking spots in parking lots for "Hybrid Cars" and "Low Emissions Vehicles" and the such. Are you kidding me? Seriously!?
Expecting mothers? Fine. I understand. If you are with child then sure, pull up right next to the store.
Handicapped people? Of course and god bless you.
Employee of the Month? Cheesy as hell, but why not? Go for it buddy and congrats to you!
But this whole nonsense of allowing special spaces for hybrids and low emissions and cars that run on corn or whatever is just plain stupid to me. I would venture to say that most of the people driving those cars didn't buy the car for the special spot at the grocery store. Heck, I'd bet most of them didn't even buy the car to save the planet but rather for the long term investment of saving money on gas, that's all. Lord knows they didn't buy the car because of how cool they look because they look stupid.
I just don't get it. You drive a car that's a little safer for the environment so we're going to let you park closer? Doesn't add up to me.
What's next? "Having a Bad Day" parking spot? "Gay/Lesbian" parking spot? "My Husband's Cheating on Me" parking spot? How about "I'm Too Damn Lazy" parking spots or "Expecting Father" spots or even "I'm In a Hurry" parking spots?
I'm not making this up. In the last 3-4 months I've seen either "Hybrid" or "Low Emissions" parking spots popping up all over the place. Grocery stores, business parks, hotels/casinos, etc. It's crazy.
That's All. Thanks for reading...
I'm starting to see special parking spots in parking lots for "Hybrid Cars" and "Low Emissions Vehicles" and the such. Are you kidding me? Seriously!?
Expecting mothers? Fine. I understand. If you are with child then sure, pull up right next to the store.
Handicapped people? Of course and god bless you.
Employee of the Month? Cheesy as hell, but why not? Go for it buddy and congrats to you!
But this whole nonsense of allowing special spaces for hybrids and low emissions and cars that run on corn or whatever is just plain stupid to me. I would venture to say that most of the people driving those cars didn't buy the car for the special spot at the grocery store. Heck, I'd bet most of them didn't even buy the car to save the planet but rather for the long term investment of saving money on gas, that's all. Lord knows they didn't buy the car because of how cool they look because they look stupid.
I just don't get it. You drive a car that's a little safer for the environment so we're going to let you park closer? Doesn't add up to me.
What's next? "Having a Bad Day" parking spot? "Gay/Lesbian" parking spot? "My Husband's Cheating on Me" parking spot? How about "I'm Too Damn Lazy" parking spots or "Expecting Father" spots or even "I'm In a Hurry" parking spots?
I'm not making this up. In the last 3-4 months I've seen either "Hybrid" or "Low Emissions" parking spots popping up all over the place. Grocery stores, business parks, hotels/casinos, etc. It's crazy.
That's All. Thanks for reading...
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Those were the Days...These are the Days
I recently turned 31. And the other day I was hanging around a younger, college type crowd. A younger kid asked me if I missed being in college and being in my early 20's. I didn't want to get into a long, philosophical conversation with this 20-year-old kid so I said something along the lines of... "Yeah man, those were the days. Best time of my life...."
But honestly, truthfully, I don't miss those days. And I think it's kind a shame when people say that.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed being 18-19 years old. In college, trying to get beer with a terrible ID, girls, balancing school and work. Wondering what party to go to. Good times.
I also enjoyed being 21 and getting to gamble legally, out of the house, still school and work, more freedom. Good stuff.
When I was 23 I started my teaching career and I look back at those days fondly. I was single, my career was just starting, I was coaching, having a great time.
Mid 20's I owned my car outright, my insurance premium was coming down, it took longer to get over a hangover, I felt more comfortable in my job, and life was good.
Late 20's was great too. Even better actually. Got married, making more money, new house. Life's good.
Now, I'm 31. Happily married. Awesome wife. Kid on the way. Still no car payment. Making 40% more money than when I started my career, 2nd job which I enjoy, good friends and good health insurance (something a 20 year old could care less about).
See, the thing is, I don't miss those days when I was younger. They were great times but I actually prefer being 31. My life is better. And I think if an individual works hard and values the right things, then life does get better with age. Or, it can get better with age. I don't feel like I peaked at 22 and I don't ever wish I was in high school again. Those days are gone, and although I look back on them with fondness, but I don't long for them. Life's good for this 31 year old. Hell, bring on 40! No, No. I take that back. Let's enjoy the 30's....
But honestly, truthfully, I don't miss those days. And I think it's kind a shame when people say that.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed being 18-19 years old. In college, trying to get beer with a terrible ID, girls, balancing school and work. Wondering what party to go to. Good times.
I also enjoyed being 21 and getting to gamble legally, out of the house, still school and work, more freedom. Good stuff.
When I was 23 I started my teaching career and I look back at those days fondly. I was single, my career was just starting, I was coaching, having a great time.
Mid 20's I owned my car outright, my insurance premium was coming down, it took longer to get over a hangover, I felt more comfortable in my job, and life was good.
Late 20's was great too. Even better actually. Got married, making more money, new house. Life's good.
Now, I'm 31. Happily married. Awesome wife. Kid on the way. Still no car payment. Making 40% more money than when I started my career, 2nd job which I enjoy, good friends and good health insurance (something a 20 year old could care less about).
See, the thing is, I don't miss those days when I was younger. They were great times but I actually prefer being 31. My life is better. And I think if an individual works hard and values the right things, then life does get better with age. Or, it can get better with age. I don't feel like I peaked at 22 and I don't ever wish I was in high school again. Those days are gone, and although I look back on them with fondness, but I don't long for them. Life's good for this 31 year old. Hell, bring on 40! No, No. I take that back. Let's enjoy the 30's....
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Gig Em!
Last weekend I was in College Station, TX. Home of the Texas A&M Fightin' Aggies! When God created ‘traditions’ he must have been thinking about Texas A&M. My Lord (no pun intended) this school has some traditions. There’s traditions for everything. I can’t verify this but this school probably has a tradition for your first restroom experience on campus. Who knows?
Well, one of the many traditions in AggieLand is this thing called the “ring dunk.” I’m not an Aggie so my terminology might be off but basically it’s a time-honored tradition for when a soon-to-be graduate gets their class ring. It happens when the coed has enough credits (usually junior year some time). Well when the ring comes in the student dunks his/her ring in a pitcher of beer. Usually, several students participate in the “dunk” altogether. It's an event.
The idea is simple. Drink all the beer until you get the ring in your mouth. Try not to puke your face off and then put the ring on your finger. Yeah! It’s preferred that you drink as fast as possible. Puking is expected. From what I have gathered, you're exceptionally ‘cool’ if you can do this quickly and not lose your lunch. Well, this past weekend I got to witness one of these events. It was amazing! I got teary-eyed just watching it. Mind you I didn't know any of the ring dunkers and I get emotional for no reason sometimes.
Heck, I don’t even have a class ring. And as much as I love beer I’ve never slammed a whole pitcher of it. I got chills watching this in action. I saw a couple tough guys puke but all in all it was such a cool thing to witness. I really do have a place in my heart for College Station and I’m glad I married an Aggie. It’s truly a wonderful place and it is truly an experience in itself. The tailgating was unbelievable, as was the game I attended. But the best part of the whole experience is the people. People care for one another and there’s only one thing that matters… a Texas Aggie victory.
I encourage anyone reading this to go to a Texas A&M game. Spend the weekend there. Go to Whattaburger, Chick-Fil-A, Yell Practice, the Dixie Chicken and yell gig ‘em to a couple strangers. I promise you this… you’ll love it!
Well, one of the many traditions in AggieLand is this thing called the “ring dunk.” I’m not an Aggie so my terminology might be off but basically it’s a time-honored tradition for when a soon-to-be graduate gets their class ring. It happens when the coed has enough credits (usually junior year some time). Well when the ring comes in the student dunks his/her ring in a pitcher of beer. Usually, several students participate in the “dunk” altogether. It's an event.
The idea is simple. Drink all the beer until you get the ring in your mouth. Try not to puke your face off and then put the ring on your finger. Yeah! It’s preferred that you drink as fast as possible. Puking is expected. From what I have gathered, you're exceptionally ‘cool’ if you can do this quickly and not lose your lunch. Well, this past weekend I got to witness one of these events. It was amazing! I got teary-eyed just watching it. Mind you I didn't know any of the ring dunkers and I get emotional for no reason sometimes.
Heck, I don’t even have a class ring. And as much as I love beer I’ve never slammed a whole pitcher of it. I got chills watching this in action. I saw a couple tough guys puke but all in all it was such a cool thing to witness. I really do have a place in my heart for College Station and I’m glad I married an Aggie. It’s truly a wonderful place and it is truly an experience in itself. The tailgating was unbelievable, as was the game I attended. But the best part of the whole experience is the people. People care for one another and there’s only one thing that matters… a Texas Aggie victory.
I encourage anyone reading this to go to a Texas A&M game. Spend the weekend there. Go to Whattaburger, Chick-Fil-A, Yell Practice, the Dixie Chicken and yell gig ‘em to a couple strangers. I promise you this… you’ll love it!
Friday, October 22, 2010
The Good Life of My Dogs...
The other day I was half asleep on the couch and Animal Planet was on the tube. I heard some lady say something like “poor doggy” and I don’t believe she was talking about this dog’s financial situation and I did notice the dog was in relatively healthy shape, so it got me to thinking…
The majority of dogs in this world (including my dogs) have an amazingly wonderful life. My dogs have it good and I wouldn’t even consider them spoiled.
Luxuries my dogs have that I don’t:
My dogs do not have to work. Not one single day of my dogs' life will they have to log any hours at a job.
Sleep. My dogs get as much sleep as they possibly want. In fact, sleep is one of their “to-do’s” every single day. Must be nice.
Wiping after pottying. Nope. They just get to go and that’s it. No additional work.
Food. Their meals are given to them everyday. No variety? Who cares. They get fed twice a day. No preparation and no clean up. Not too shabby.
Weekends? Every day is Friday for my dogs.
Annoying people. No worries. My dogs can’t understand English and therefore if someone annoys them they can just walk away.
Exercise. My dogs enjoy it but if they don’t do it it doesn’t matter anyway. They’re in great shape no matter what.
Complete joy, happiness and fulfillment. They get this every time someone comes home. It’s like they hit the doggy lottery when the garage door opens.
So don’t ever, ever feel sorry for a dog. Well, don’t feel sorry for my dogs anyway.
Ruff.
Untitled
As strong as you are let me catch you when you fall
Reaching out to stars might not be enough today
Show me your soul through your words
That’s how I want to
That’s how I want to Remember you
I’d like to say hello with no words
I’d like to choose my way but I can’t choose yours
That’s how I want to
That’s how I want to Remember you
We can make it but we’re running short on time
But there’s a chance it may not work
That’s how I want to
Remember us
Reaching out to stars might not be enough today
Show me your soul through your words
That’s how I want to
That’s how I want to Remember you
I’d like to say hello with no words
I’d like to choose my way but I can’t choose yours
That’s how I want to
That’s how I want to Remember you
We can make it but we’re running short on time
But there’s a chance it may not work
That’s how I want to
Remember us
Monday, October 18, 2010
Baby
My wife's pregnant. I'm excited. I really am. I don't think anyone is ever totally prepared to have a kid. It's life changing (I've heard this 200 times). There's truly nothing that can prepare you for having a newborn. I know this. I have two very good friends that are brand new parents. I can't say I envy them, and I've picked their brains as much as I can, but again I'm sure my wife and I have no idea what's really going to happen until the baby actually comes. Sleepless nights and shooting poop are two things I am not looking forward to.
Many people keep telling me how great its going to be and how my life will never be the same. I keep thinking to myself: yes, I know my life won't be the same. How could it be? Your life can't be the same when you're responsible for another human being. Hell, my life wasn't the same when I got a dog. This I can't imagine! But come hell or highwater, ready or not, the baby is coming. My wife and I have decided to wait to find out the sex. I tell people this and they think we're crazy. I figure why not be surprised? After learning santa is your parents and turning 21 they're aren't too many cool surprises in life. So, we'll wait. We'll be surprised.
I know deep down my wife wants to know but she's being a good sport for me. My wife has a hunch it's a girl so it probably is. We have names we like but I'm sure it'll change. I figure if my wife and I can be half the parents our parents were for us, then our kid will be just fine.
I just hope the baby's head isn't as big as mine or my wife will endure unimagineable pain and will probably file for divorce immediately. I hope my baby likes me. I hope my baby has my wife's smile. I hope my baby likes beef jerky. I hope my baby isn't ugly. I hope my baby likes the Buffalo Bills and the Texas Aggies.
I hope my baby....
Many people keep telling me how great its going to be and how my life will never be the same. I keep thinking to myself: yes, I know my life won't be the same. How could it be? Your life can't be the same when you're responsible for another human being. Hell, my life wasn't the same when I got a dog. This I can't imagine! But come hell or highwater, ready or not, the baby is coming. My wife and I have decided to wait to find out the sex. I tell people this and they think we're crazy. I figure why not be surprised? After learning santa is your parents and turning 21 they're aren't too many cool surprises in life. So, we'll wait. We'll be surprised.
I know deep down my wife wants to know but she's being a good sport for me. My wife has a hunch it's a girl so it probably is. We have names we like but I'm sure it'll change. I figure if my wife and I can be half the parents our parents were for us, then our kid will be just fine.
I just hope the baby's head isn't as big as mine or my wife will endure unimagineable pain and will probably file for divorce immediately. I hope my baby likes me. I hope my baby has my wife's smile. I hope my baby likes beef jerky. I hope my baby isn't ugly. I hope my baby likes the Buffalo Bills and the Texas Aggies.
I hope my baby....
Friday, October 1, 2010
I'm Busy
Its been a while since I last blogged. I'd say I was busy but that's such a lame excuse. Isn't it? That's got to be the #1 excuse in the United States of America.
Hey Jim, where were you the other night? Oh sorry, I was busy.
Hey Shannon, can you make it to my house to go over the blah blah...
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm busy.
Tony, what's up, I haven't seen you in so long...
Sorry bro, I've been busy.
Ok, so were all busy. Everyone in America is busy. We have very little free time because we're so busy. And if were not that busy were going to use that as an excuse every time you ask us where we've been or what we've been up to! It's true.
What's unfortunate is that many of us truly, are that busy. In this country, on average we start working when we are teenagers. By the time some are in our mid to late 20's we've been part of the work force for a decade. And many of us will work until were 65. 30 year career sounds nice doesn't it? But most of us will actually work about 50 years of our lives. And we'll do this with about 1-3 weeks of vacation scattered into those years.
Why? I don't know really. We all have to work at some point or another. The alternative is being broke and homeless. So, unless that's that you want, you'll be working. In some countries the average vacation time per year is 8-12 weeks a year. The only job in the U.S. that has that kind of awesomeness is a teacher. Well, that's why I am one.
But for the other 90% of people its 1-2 weeks off a year for 40-50 years of their livelihood. I hate looking at it like that but it's the truth.
So, I guess we really are busy.
I guess the only solution is this: like what you do. And party like hell on your days off and on your vacations.
Hey Jim, where were you the other night? Oh sorry, I was busy.
Hey Shannon, can you make it to my house to go over the blah blah...
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm busy.
Tony, what's up, I haven't seen you in so long...
Sorry bro, I've been busy.
Ok, so were all busy. Everyone in America is busy. We have very little free time because we're so busy. And if were not that busy were going to use that as an excuse every time you ask us where we've been or what we've been up to! It's true.
What's unfortunate is that many of us truly, are that busy. In this country, on average we start working when we are teenagers. By the time some are in our mid to late 20's we've been part of the work force for a decade. And many of us will work until were 65. 30 year career sounds nice doesn't it? But most of us will actually work about 50 years of our lives. And we'll do this with about 1-3 weeks of vacation scattered into those years.
Why? I don't know really. We all have to work at some point or another. The alternative is being broke and homeless. So, unless that's that you want, you'll be working. In some countries the average vacation time per year is 8-12 weeks a year. The only job in the U.S. that has that kind of awesomeness is a teacher. Well, that's why I am one.
But for the other 90% of people its 1-2 weeks off a year for 40-50 years of their livelihood. I hate looking at it like that but it's the truth.
So, I guess we really are busy.
I guess the only solution is this: like what you do. And party like hell on your days off and on your vacations.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Reality TV. Goodbye Professional Actors...
You know what's really sad?
My wife and I were talking the other day and we realized that the 4-5 TV shows we watch on a regular basis don't actually have one single professional actor in them. What's even scarier is that most of the programs on television these days don't. Everything out there is "reality TV" which I find ironic because most of the shows aren't realistic. The Hills and that Kardashian show and Dog the Bounty Hunter are absolutely terrible and in no way, shape or form would I consider those shows "real" or "reality". My wife and I have been watching The Bachelor Pad lately. It's a bunch of good looking (although I'd argue that) younger people living in a house together, doing pointless challenges during the day, hooking up at night, and drinking the entire time. At the end of the show the contestants have to vote for someone to leave. So sad. I guess the last person or couple (because some of these hapless people have found love) win 250,000 taxed-all-to-hell dollars. Every week I complain about how stupid the show is. Every week I watch. And I guarantee millions of Americans that do watch would agree that the show is bad. Other shows we follow with no professional acting: The Biggest Loser, Intervention, Hoarders, The Bachelorette, Wipe Out, and Hell's Kitchen. All of these shows are incredibly popular and they do it without professional actors. I almost feel bad for actors trying to make it in today's entertainment industry. I mean where do you look for work? How do you get work? It seems to me these shows are doing just fine without professionals. And the cost of labor has to be great because the producers aren't paying for professional actors. Poor, poor actors.
Requirements for Biggest Loser- you must be 200+ lbs overweigtht, emotional, and willing to take your shirt off and get on a scale on national TV.
Intervention- you must have a severe addiction to drugs or alcohol, violent temper, and it's preferred that you are homeless or have completely alienated yourself from your family.
Wipeout- show up on time and sign a medical waiver. It's preferred that you can swim.
Hell's Kitchen- you must have cooked food before (grilled cheese- cool) and you must smoke cigarettes, tempers are preferred.
Hoarders- must have collected tons and tons of crap for 20+ years and your home should be uninhabitable to normal people.
Really, it's out of control. So many new reality shows, so little time. But it's getting ridiculous. Now, there's a show on Animal Planet called Pit Boss. It's about a midget guy and his pitbull dogs. I guess he rescues them or something. I can't get past the commercial. Have you seen this? I'm serious. And all the people on the shows are midgets and they look tough! Well, as tough as a midget can look I guess.
Anyway, think about the shows you watch or the shows you see on TV. How many of them are reality TV shows? I'm willing to bet you watch or follow a few. And if you don't? No sweat. You're not missing anything...
My wife and I were talking the other day and we realized that the 4-5 TV shows we watch on a regular basis don't actually have one single professional actor in them. What's even scarier is that most of the programs on television these days don't. Everything out there is "reality TV" which I find ironic because most of the shows aren't realistic. The Hills and that Kardashian show and Dog the Bounty Hunter are absolutely terrible and in no way, shape or form would I consider those shows "real" or "reality". My wife and I have been watching The Bachelor Pad lately. It's a bunch of good looking (although I'd argue that) younger people living in a house together, doing pointless challenges during the day, hooking up at night, and drinking the entire time. At the end of the show the contestants have to vote for someone to leave. So sad. I guess the last person or couple (because some of these hapless people have found love) win 250,000 taxed-all-to-hell dollars. Every week I complain about how stupid the show is. Every week I watch. And I guarantee millions of Americans that do watch would agree that the show is bad. Other shows we follow with no professional acting: The Biggest Loser, Intervention, Hoarders, The Bachelorette, Wipe Out, and Hell's Kitchen. All of these shows are incredibly popular and they do it without professional actors. I almost feel bad for actors trying to make it in today's entertainment industry. I mean where do you look for work? How do you get work? It seems to me these shows are doing just fine without professionals. And the cost of labor has to be great because the producers aren't paying for professional actors. Poor, poor actors.
Requirements for Biggest Loser- you must be 200+ lbs overweigtht, emotional, and willing to take your shirt off and get on a scale on national TV.
Intervention- you must have a severe addiction to drugs or alcohol, violent temper, and it's preferred that you are homeless or have completely alienated yourself from your family.
Wipeout- show up on time and sign a medical waiver. It's preferred that you can swim.
Hell's Kitchen- you must have cooked food before (grilled cheese- cool) and you must smoke cigarettes, tempers are preferred.
Hoarders- must have collected tons and tons of crap for 20+ years and your home should be uninhabitable to normal people.
Really, it's out of control. So many new reality shows, so little time. But it's getting ridiculous. Now, there's a show on Animal Planet called Pit Boss. It's about a midget guy and his pitbull dogs. I guess he rescues them or something. I can't get past the commercial. Have you seen this? I'm serious. And all the people on the shows are midgets and they look tough! Well, as tough as a midget can look I guess.
Anyway, think about the shows you watch or the shows you see on TV. How many of them are reality TV shows? I'm willing to bet you watch or follow a few. And if you don't? No sweat. You're not missing anything...
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Can't You See We're Open?
I like fast food. I do. I admit it. I'm not one of those people that say "Wendy's? Eeew, gross" Or, "I hate McDonalds" I'm honest with myself. I enjoy fast food and from time to time I will eat fast food. Now, I also enjoy not being 180 pounds overweight so I try to limit how much fast food I eat. I bring up fast food because just recently we had a Carl's Jr. open up near house.
Exciting, right?! No, not really. I don't consider a new fast food joint opening world breaking news. Happens everyday. And let's be honest... it's the grand opening of a place that is no different than about 10 million other places in the world. Well, don't tell that to the powers that be at Carl's Jr. The new restaurant near my house went all out. Above and beyond. You'd think this CJ opening was a Hollywood premiere. Seriously. For the past 2 weeks they've had that grand opening-bright as hell-triple moving light machine going. You know, so you can see the lights in the sky and you ask yourself "what's that?" And if you're really nerdy you'll ask your spouse or roommate to go outside and check it out. Crazy madness I tell ya. I mean maybe for the first 2-3 days they could have that thing going but it's been like 2 weeks now- all night they blast that thing. My question is, simply- Why?
To let us know they're open? I mean, really, it's not that hard to figure it out. The following makes it perfectly clear that this place is open for business!
The lights on the inside of the retaurant are turned on.
There's 4 cars in the drive thru.
There's a helium filled 2 story milkshake on the roof.
There are 10 cars in the parking lot.
There are people inside and we can see this through the glass windows.
There's steam/smoke coming from place.
I mean really. Are they trying to get people from 10-20 miles away to come to their restaurant? It's Carl's Jr. for goodness sakes! Fast food. These establishments are on every corner in America. I don't think the lights are going to make someone drive an extra 10 miles to get to their specific fast food place. It's the same old greasy slop for the same old prices as any other fast food place in America. I'm sure the people that live far away can find a 6 dollar combo much closer to home.
I don't know. Maybe they got the roller lights you-can-see-from-space machine for free. In any case I think it's pretty funny and truly unnecessary.
We get it Carl's Jr. You're open!
Exciting, right?! No, not really. I don't consider a new fast food joint opening world breaking news. Happens everyday. And let's be honest... it's the grand opening of a place that is no different than about 10 million other places in the world. Well, don't tell that to the powers that be at Carl's Jr. The new restaurant near my house went all out. Above and beyond. You'd think this CJ opening was a Hollywood premiere. Seriously. For the past 2 weeks they've had that grand opening-bright as hell-triple moving light machine going. You know, so you can see the lights in the sky and you ask yourself "what's that?" And if you're really nerdy you'll ask your spouse or roommate to go outside and check it out. Crazy madness I tell ya. I mean maybe for the first 2-3 days they could have that thing going but it's been like 2 weeks now- all night they blast that thing. My question is, simply- Why?
To let us know they're open? I mean, really, it's not that hard to figure it out. The following makes it perfectly clear that this place is open for business!
The lights on the inside of the retaurant are turned on.
There's 4 cars in the drive thru.
There's a helium filled 2 story milkshake on the roof.
There are 10 cars in the parking lot.
There are people inside and we can see this through the glass windows.
There's steam/smoke coming from place.
I mean really. Are they trying to get people from 10-20 miles away to come to their restaurant? It's Carl's Jr. for goodness sakes! Fast food. These establishments are on every corner in America. I don't think the lights are going to make someone drive an extra 10 miles to get to their specific fast food place. It's the same old greasy slop for the same old prices as any other fast food place in America. I'm sure the people that live far away can find a 6 dollar combo much closer to home.
I don't know. Maybe they got the roller lights you-can-see-from-space machine for free. In any case I think it's pretty funny and truly unnecessary.
We get it Carl's Jr. You're open!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Pedestrians...
I don’t know if this is a Vegas thing or a nationwide thing but what in the hell is the deal with pedestrians that have the audacity and nerve to take their time walking across the street. This is a huge pet peeve of mine. And I’ve had multiple conversations with my brother and my buddy Mike in regards to this.
I don’t mind stopping for pedestrians but some of these idiots (scumbags) take walking across the street to a whole new level. Many of them don’t use the crosswalks and I often wonder if they even care about getting hit. Perhaps one day I’ll just hit them because sometimes they make it so difficult not to plow into them and continue down the road.
Often, these individuals walk very slowly and will stare you down while you approach. They have this sense of entitlement of the streets. Cars must stop for them. Often, their pants are around their knees and you get to see their boxer shorts as they arrogantly take their time walking across the street. If you look at these individuals in the face they look right at you as if they’re willing to fight you, or fight the vehicle you’re driving. It’s really ignorant. If you honk or yell at them you’ve created a war.
You’d think these individuals would hurry across the street, you know, so they don’t get ran over. Nope. They’re never in a rush and usually enjoy the fact that you have to stop for them. I wonder if they even know that if they get hit, while not in a crosswalk, the driver is rarely held at fault. And even if the driver was held accountable they’d be dead anyway. Every time I read an article about a pedestrian getting hit I always wonder if the guy in the vehicle was a little bit like me and just had enough and conveniently just kept driving.
I don’t mind stopping for pedestrians but some of these idiots (scumbags) take walking across the street to a whole new level. Many of them don’t use the crosswalks and I often wonder if they even care about getting hit. Perhaps one day I’ll just hit them because sometimes they make it so difficult not to plow into them and continue down the road.
Often, these individuals walk very slowly and will stare you down while you approach. They have this sense of entitlement of the streets. Cars must stop for them. Often, their pants are around their knees and you get to see their boxer shorts as they arrogantly take their time walking across the street. If you look at these individuals in the face they look right at you as if they’re willing to fight you, or fight the vehicle you’re driving. It’s really ignorant. If you honk or yell at them you’ve created a war.
You’d think these individuals would hurry across the street, you know, so they don’t get ran over. Nope. They’re never in a rush and usually enjoy the fact that you have to stop for them. I wonder if they even know that if they get hit, while not in a crosswalk, the driver is rarely held at fault. And even if the driver was held accountable they’d be dead anyway. Every time I read an article about a pedestrian getting hit I always wonder if the guy in the vehicle was a little bit like me and just had enough and conveniently just kept driving.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Gimme your change. Now!
I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or perhaps I’m becoming more cynical or even if it’s coincidental, but I’ve been noticing lately that the homeless have become more forward. More brazen. More confident. More rude.
There was a time I remember when a confrontation with a homeless man/woman went something like this…
Homeless: Hello, sir. Could you spare some change? I’m hungry. (And that was followed by the reason they were homeless)
Me (with a warm heart): Oh yeah, sure. Here you go. God bless.
I always gave. And I never judged. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt. Who am I to judge?
You want a beer? Fine.
You’re hungry? Cool.
Drug habit? Ok. Again, whatever, here’s a buck. God bless. See you later.
I’m beginning to reevaluate my free handouts and monetary generosity. Why you ask?
Well, twice in the last two months I’ve been approached by- quite frankly- rude homeless people. I will share with you one of the cases…
I was at the gas station and I was on the phone with my dad. It wasn’t a life altering conversation but it was pretty important. A homeless woman came up to me and very abruptly and loudly said: Can you spare some change? She had all the classic symptoms of being homeless- dirty, smelly, bad hair, greasy nails, worn out shoes, etc. She was indeed without a home.
I looked right at her, smiled, and signaled “hold on” by giving her the nonverbal pointed index finger. It’s something most normal people do when they’re talking on the phone with someone and only need a quick minute to wrap up the phone conversation. I was actually planning on giving her some change but my hands were full with my phone and the gas pump (I was pumping). I really didn’t feel I was being rude and I thought to myself this lady can wait a sec. She certainly wasn’t in a rush, was she?
Were my 3 quarters, 3 nickels and 2 pennies something she just couldn’t wait for?
Was she in a rush to get home? Doubt it.
Was she late for work? Doubt that too.
Well, no later than about 45 seconds later she came back up to me- while I was just about done with my conversation but not quite finished- and very rudely said: I asked you a question!
I was shocked. Not annoyed, just shocked. I got off the phone and not knowing what else to do I gave her some change. When I gave it to her she looked disappointed. I guess I looked like a guy worth a few green pieces of paper. (Never mind I had on a sleeveless T-shirt, mesh shorts and sandals and I was putting gas into my beat up truck that I rarely wash)
I may have been willing to give her 2-3 bucks if she hadn’t been so rude but this woman was downright mean. In hindsight I wish I hadn’t given her the money but it’s OK.
I have nothing against the homeless and I do feel for many of them. And I almost always give change when someone asks me, but there are certain ways to ask. When you want something from someone show some manners! Perhaps this woman’s rudeness is what caused her to not get jobs which in turn caused her to go homeless.
She probably would go to interviews, interview fairly well, and then at the end of the interview would scream DID I GET THE JOB OR WHAT!?
Well, we were considering you, and your resume looks fantastic, but we’re going to go with someone else.
Yeah, that’s probably why she’s homeless.
There was a time I remember when a confrontation with a homeless man/woman went something like this…
Homeless: Hello, sir. Could you spare some change? I’m hungry. (And that was followed by the reason they were homeless)
Me (with a warm heart): Oh yeah, sure. Here you go. God bless.
I always gave. And I never judged. I always gave them the benefit of the doubt. Who am I to judge?
You want a beer? Fine.
You’re hungry? Cool.
Drug habit? Ok. Again, whatever, here’s a buck. God bless. See you later.
I’m beginning to reevaluate my free handouts and monetary generosity. Why you ask?
Well, twice in the last two months I’ve been approached by- quite frankly- rude homeless people. I will share with you one of the cases…
I was at the gas station and I was on the phone with my dad. It wasn’t a life altering conversation but it was pretty important. A homeless woman came up to me and very abruptly and loudly said: Can you spare some change? She had all the classic symptoms of being homeless- dirty, smelly, bad hair, greasy nails, worn out shoes, etc. She was indeed without a home.
I looked right at her, smiled, and signaled “hold on” by giving her the nonverbal pointed index finger. It’s something most normal people do when they’re talking on the phone with someone and only need a quick minute to wrap up the phone conversation. I was actually planning on giving her some change but my hands were full with my phone and the gas pump (I was pumping). I really didn’t feel I was being rude and I thought to myself this lady can wait a sec. She certainly wasn’t in a rush, was she?
Were my 3 quarters, 3 nickels and 2 pennies something she just couldn’t wait for?
Was she in a rush to get home? Doubt it.
Was she late for work? Doubt that too.
Well, no later than about 45 seconds later she came back up to me- while I was just about done with my conversation but not quite finished- and very rudely said: I asked you a question!
I was shocked. Not annoyed, just shocked. I got off the phone and not knowing what else to do I gave her some change. When I gave it to her she looked disappointed. I guess I looked like a guy worth a few green pieces of paper. (Never mind I had on a sleeveless T-shirt, mesh shorts and sandals and I was putting gas into my beat up truck that I rarely wash)
I may have been willing to give her 2-3 bucks if she hadn’t been so rude but this woman was downright mean. In hindsight I wish I hadn’t given her the money but it’s OK.
I have nothing against the homeless and I do feel for many of them. And I almost always give change when someone asks me, but there are certain ways to ask. When you want something from someone show some manners! Perhaps this woman’s rudeness is what caused her to not get jobs which in turn caused her to go homeless.
She probably would go to interviews, interview fairly well, and then at the end of the interview would scream DID I GET THE JOB OR WHAT!?
Well, we were considering you, and your resume looks fantastic, but we’re going to go with someone else.
Yeah, that’s probably why she’s homeless.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Good for the Skin...
My normal summer routine is waking up at 7:36 in the morning, with the dogs, and letting them out. Actually, I wake up at 7:36 because of the dogs. I could probably sleep until 9ish but Molly won’t have that. No biggy. During the school year I’m up at 5:45 so getting up at 7:36 is really like sleeping in. I digress.
Well, this morning when I let the dogs out I noticed it was a bit humid. I looked up the weather report and the humidity was 12%. This really doesn’t constitute “humid” but for people that live in Vegas this is very moist. People from Houston, Atlanta, and Tampa would laugh at me for saying moist or humid when it's only 12%.
Now I love my wife. She loves me. But whenever I mention that it’s humid outside- followed by “I hate the humidity”- she has the same two responses. "The humidity is good for your hair. The humidity is good for your skin." Wow! Great. Thanks sweetie.
You know what? Keep your humidity! I’d rather be dry and comfortable. I’d rather not have the perpetual feeling of that just got out of the shower feeling. I’d rather not feel like my car is a sauna. I’d rather not be sweating because the trash had to go to the curb. Humidity- and places with high humidity- are no place I want to be for long periods of a time. I’d rather have dry skin and mediocre/bad hair. I’ve been living in a hot, dry climate all my life and you know what? My hair isn’t that bad and the cost of lotion has not caused me any financial distress.
My wife and I were married in Texas. We just so happened to pick a weekend when the humidity was in the 90s. I can’t lie. It was brutal. Things I didn't know: I didn’t know that toenails could produce sweat. I also didn’t know that you could soak through 4 undershirts at a single outdoor event. I didn’t know that your forehead remains shiny even when you’re indoors.
Furthermore, everyone looks like they either just got done running 6 miles or just went through intense child labor. No one looks relaxed, clean and comfortable. No one!
And when you mention this to the locals all they can do is smile and say “I know. Bad, huh?” And my response is “how/why do you live here?!”
I know it can get hot here in the desert (116 degrees), but I’ll take that heat over 90 percent humidity any day of the week. You can keep your moisture and the bugs that comes with it. I’ll keep my dry heat. Thank you very much.
Have a sweaty day...
Well, this morning when I let the dogs out I noticed it was a bit humid. I looked up the weather report and the humidity was 12%. This really doesn’t constitute “humid” but for people that live in Vegas this is very moist. People from Houston, Atlanta, and Tampa would laugh at me for saying moist or humid when it's only 12%.
Now I love my wife. She loves me. But whenever I mention that it’s humid outside- followed by “I hate the humidity”- she has the same two responses. "The humidity is good for your hair. The humidity is good for your skin." Wow! Great. Thanks sweetie.
You know what? Keep your humidity! I’d rather be dry and comfortable. I’d rather not have the perpetual feeling of that just got out of the shower feeling. I’d rather not feel like my car is a sauna. I’d rather not be sweating because the trash had to go to the curb. Humidity- and places with high humidity- are no place I want to be for long periods of a time. I’d rather have dry skin and mediocre/bad hair. I’ve been living in a hot, dry climate all my life and you know what? My hair isn’t that bad and the cost of lotion has not caused me any financial distress.
My wife and I were married in Texas. We just so happened to pick a weekend when the humidity was in the 90s. I can’t lie. It was brutal. Things I didn't know: I didn’t know that toenails could produce sweat. I also didn’t know that you could soak through 4 undershirts at a single outdoor event. I didn’t know that your forehead remains shiny even when you’re indoors.
Furthermore, everyone looks like they either just got done running 6 miles or just went through intense child labor. No one looks relaxed, clean and comfortable. No one!
And when you mention this to the locals all they can do is smile and say “I know. Bad, huh?” And my response is “how/why do you live here?!”
I know it can get hot here in the desert (116 degrees), but I’ll take that heat over 90 percent humidity any day of the week. You can keep your moisture and the bugs that comes with it. I’ll keep my dry heat. Thank you very much.
Have a sweaty day...
Saturday, August 21, 2010
We Won!
I love sports. Love them. Like millions of Americans I passionately follow my favorite teams. I love the Buffalo Bills, St Louis Cardinals, UNLV athletics and since I met my wife- the Texas Aggies.
As much as I love my teams, however, I am not a “psycho” fan. Nor do I lose sleep, get nervous, or go through long bouts of depression over the outcomes of athletic events. Not worth it. Sports are entertainment, not life. So if the Buffalo Bills lose a football game it really isn’t the end of the world.
What annoys me about sports the most is seeing or running into what I like to call “psycho” fans. We’ve all seen them. Usually an overweight, balding guy in his 40’s. He has the vanity plate that say YNKEEFN along with the license plate cover. He also wears the hat and jersey and knows everything about all the players and he takes it to heart when his Yankees win or lose.
What irks me the most about these types of fans is when they refer to their favorite team as WE. I cannot stand this. But people do it all the time. And I hear it all the time. “Yeah, we lost last week to the Lions. Next week we play the Packers.” Excuse me?! No, the (insert psycho fan’s team name here) lost to the Lions. You sir had nothing to do with it. Nothing whatsoever. The only people that should use “we” in reference to a team are the actual players on that team.
This really annoys me when people do this, but they do. These “psycho” fans just don’t get it. Athletes don’t care about you or your job or your life. They don’t know who you are. So, I really think some of these fans need to tone it down a notch. Keep things in perspective. And for the love of God stop saying “we lost” or “we won” because that would mean you’re on the team. You’re not.
As much as I love my teams, however, I am not a “psycho” fan. Nor do I lose sleep, get nervous, or go through long bouts of depression over the outcomes of athletic events. Not worth it. Sports are entertainment, not life. So if the Buffalo Bills lose a football game it really isn’t the end of the world.
What annoys me about sports the most is seeing or running into what I like to call “psycho” fans. We’ve all seen them. Usually an overweight, balding guy in his 40’s. He has the vanity plate that say YNKEEFN along with the license plate cover. He also wears the hat and jersey and knows everything about all the players and he takes it to heart when his Yankees win or lose.
What irks me the most about these types of fans is when they refer to their favorite team as WE. I cannot stand this. But people do it all the time. And I hear it all the time. “Yeah, we lost last week to the Lions. Next week we play the Packers.” Excuse me?! No, the (insert psycho fan’s team name here) lost to the Lions. You sir had nothing to do with it. Nothing whatsoever. The only people that should use “we” in reference to a team are the actual players on that team.
This really annoys me when people do this, but they do. These “psycho” fans just don’t get it. Athletes don’t care about you or your job or your life. They don’t know who you are. So, I really think some of these fans need to tone it down a notch. Keep things in perspective. And for the love of God stop saying “we lost” or “we won” because that would mean you’re on the team. You’re not.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
A new look... Shave or Move Out?
Today was shave day for my mustache. 2 days ago was shave day for my beard. Or, as better described, my best attempt at a beard. I’m kind of facial hair deprived. However, I’ve never really gone longer than 5-6 days without shaving. So this summer I gave it the ‘ol college try. I stopped shaving around father’s day and decided to see what would happen. I actually kind of enjoyed the experience. And I liked my facial hair results.
My wife, on the other hand, hated it. Guess who won? Well, I’m clean shaven as I write this blog. Wife won. She always does. Being as I had the facial hair for like 5 weeks I kind of look weird to myself now that I’m clean. I’ll get over it. I did like it though. I really, really did. And since I’ve never been a big fan of other people’s opinions of me, I wasn’t too concerned of the comments I received. I do enjoy being married, and I ultimately have to keep the wife happy, so the beard had to go. It was fun while it lasted. I enjoyed being called homeless by some of my friends, and mountain man by others.
Honestly, what it came down to, is that I just wanted to try something different for a while. It wasn’t a lifelong thing, nor was I trying to annoy my wife. I just never did it before so I thought I would. Since my dad is facial hair deficient I knew it would be a battle, but again, why not? I’m off all summer and a little pubic face never hurt anyone.
I will say this about beards: they’re cool looking but very itchy. Mustaches with a beard are fine; mustaches solo are awful. Most women don’t like beards (and not just my wife). Beards make you look older. Food gets stuck in facial hair.
But overall, I miss my beard. I want to grow it out again for the winter. So, I really hope my wife lets me... I'll keep you posted!
Welcome to America!
Recently I was at the airport picking up a friend of mine- Cole Martin. He’s awesome and also a blogger but this blog isn’t about him. As I went into the airport I began one of my favorite pastimes- People Watching. I don’t know why I love doing this but I do. It doesn’t matter where I’m at or what I’m doing but people watching is so fun. Basically, it’s watching people that don’t know you’re watching them. I guess the law calls that stalking. Whatever. The airport- and Las Vegas in general- is a wonderful place to watch people. Actually, the more I think about it, Las Vegas could be the capital of the world for people watching.
Well, I came upon a couple who was really excited about being in Vegas. As I got closer to them I realized something was different. They were French. They were speaking French. And then it hit me. I wonder how many people come to Las Vegas for their first stay in the United States. My god! Can you imagine? A person coming to the United States for the very first time and they get off the plane and they walk into an airport full of slot machines, half-naked advertisements, and tuxedo clad limo drivers looking for wealthy people. They then get to walk outside, get in a cab and see the LV strip. I mean don’t get me wrong, we could do worse as a nation than Vegas as our representative, but I’m just not so sure LV is the best, most honest, representation of our great country. I guess it beats Yuma, Ariz. or El Paso, TX but what a culture shock it would be to come to the States for the first time via Sin City.
Is there really anything American about Las Vegas? Does Las Vegas encompass the American Dream? Who knows? Who am I to say? I love it here but I also know this place is, well, crazy. And it’s also very unique which is one of the reasons I love this place. Where else can you eat a steak at four in the morning? Or drink beer at 7 a.m. with other people? Where else will you find millions of hotel rooms that are rarely empty? I could go on but this isn’t a blog about Las Vegas. I just don't want foreigners getting upset when they visit Detroit and their asking where the MGM Grand is.
Next time you’re at the airport in Vegas look around. And look at anyone that looks foreign and ask yourself- is this their first time in America?
More importantly, who told them- if you really want to experience the U.S. then go to Las Vegas, NV. Ha ha…
Well, I came upon a couple who was really excited about being in Vegas. As I got closer to them I realized something was different. They were French. They were speaking French. And then it hit me. I wonder how many people come to Las Vegas for their first stay in the United States. My god! Can you imagine? A person coming to the United States for the very first time and they get off the plane and they walk into an airport full of slot machines, half-naked advertisements, and tuxedo clad limo drivers looking for wealthy people. They then get to walk outside, get in a cab and see the LV strip. I mean don’t get me wrong, we could do worse as a nation than Vegas as our representative, but I’m just not so sure LV is the best, most honest, representation of our great country. I guess it beats Yuma, Ariz. or El Paso, TX but what a culture shock it would be to come to the States for the first time via Sin City.
Is there really anything American about Las Vegas? Does Las Vegas encompass the American Dream? Who knows? Who am I to say? I love it here but I also know this place is, well, crazy. And it’s also very unique which is one of the reasons I love this place. Where else can you eat a steak at four in the morning? Or drink beer at 7 a.m. with other people? Where else will you find millions of hotel rooms that are rarely empty? I could go on but this isn’t a blog about Las Vegas. I just don't want foreigners getting upset when they visit Detroit and their asking where the MGM Grand is.
Next time you’re at the airport in Vegas look around. And look at anyone that looks foreign and ask yourself- is this their first time in America?
More importantly, who told them- if you really want to experience the U.S. then go to Las Vegas, NV. Ha ha…
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Warning! Contents are Hot!
I have done some stupid things in my life. Childish things. Silly things. I’ve made mistakes. I’m human. We’ve all done stupid things in our lives. Poor choices. Bad decisions. We’ve all been there. Well, I’ve done it again.
July 20, 2010 will now be called Derek and Mike’s Firecracker Day.
How it began...
About a week ago my buddy Mike called me and told me about this Firecracker Burger that’s served at a restaurant at the new Aria Hotel. He said it’s insanely hot. Ridiculously hot. Well, I love spicy food. Love it! I go through Tapatio hot sauce like it’s nobody’s business. Mike also loves things hot. One of the many things we have in common. I guess that explains why we’ve been best friends for 15 years.
I’m now questioning the friendship. If Michael had never made that phone call I would have never know about this death trap, ulcer creating, inferno burger. And what’s funny about the whole thing is that Mike knew that once he told me about it I would want to go try it. He knows me that well.
So, yesterday we decided to do it. Why you ask? Because we’re stupid. There was no big prize, no discount, no t-shirt, no bet on the line, no dares. We did it because we wanted to say we did it. That's all. Man Pride baby!
To give you an idea about the burger… the meat is grounded together with a Bhut Jolokia Pepper (Ghost Pepper). It’s considered the hottest pepper in the world. It makes the Habanero pepper look like a cucumber. Warnings come with this pepper when it’s sold and it’s very hard to find. It is not for old people, pregnant women, or kids. Actually, it shouldn’t be for anyone. One pepper could probably spice up enough chili to serve the entire U.S. If you go on Youtube and type in “ghost pepper” you’ll see how much pain this thing can cause. Well, that’s what we were dealing with on this burger.
Mike and I ordered the burgers and lots of water and milk. I was so nervous about the burger coming my palms actually started sweating. Seriously, I was scared. Mike didn’t look very confident either. The burgers came on red plates. We asked the waitress about this and she said it’s so no one accidentally takes a bite of the burger by mistake. It’s the only entrée in the restaurant served on a red plate. Pray for me. The waitress said the last guy that tried it ate half the burger and then threw up. Another guy ate a couple bites and was dry heaving 12 hours later! The last thing the waitress said was what scared me most. She said that you have to eat the thing fast because the pepper gets hotter as time goes on. Basically, it’s not a burger you can enjoy for 20 minutes. The heat gets hotter as the minutes go by. I thought that strange, but I knew exactly what she was talking about when I was in the fetal position 6 hours later.
We took pictures of the burger, stared at the burger, introduced ourselves to what was surely going to be an eating experience we would never forget. The spice from the burger actually made me sweat without even biting into it. That’s not an exaggeration.
I took the first bite. Holy LAVA! Hot is not even a word worthy enough to describe this thing. Immediate sweat. Next bite wasn’t better. Saliva is dripping all over the place. Toe nails are sweating. Pain all over. PAIN.
Third bite- my mouth is numb, somebody call the paramedics. More water. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Fourth bite- all I can think about is taking my fork and sticking it into Mike’s eyeball for doing this to me. I hate Mike. But seeing him in pain makes me feel better. I put the fork down.
Fifth bite- the pain is unimaginable, my face is literally going numb. I’m wondering what the article in the paper is going to say about the two local guys who died in the restaurant. I’ll miss my wife. She was right, she's always right. This was a stupid idea.
Sixth bite- not dead yet. I can make it! My nostrils feel like they have curling irons inside of them. The pain is moving to other parts of my body like I swallowed a black widow or something. Waitress! Where's the hotel pool?
Seventh bite- more water. Need more water. Are there coals in my mouth? I’m scared to burp because I don’t want to be responsible for blowing up the restaurant. I am an IDIOT for doing this. I now look like I just left the hotel sauna. My hair hurts. How can hair hurt?
Eighth and final bite- I’m happy I’m finished. My plate is under sweat and floating away. I’m wondering what my family would think if I just jumped off the hotel roof and ended this misery. My mouth is in pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone in the world. The 9 glasses of water and 3 milks aren’t helping one bit. The waitress finds this amusing. I want to choke her. The table next to us thinks it's funny too. I hate all of you.
Well, Mike and I both finished our burgers. We did survive. I can’t speak for Mike but I will never do this again. It feels like I swallowed the sun. As I am writing this blog it has been 19 hours since the Firecracker Incident and I still don’t feel right. I didn’t sleep well and my bathroom visits have been worse than the eating of the burger. My first 2 peepees of the day burned. Honestly, it felt like I was peeing Tabasco sauce. And Heartburn is such a mild term; I would describe it as Heartfire.
My wife has no sympathy for me but why should she? She warned me. I’ve always tried to keep my blogs classy and PG so I will not describe any more what has gone on behind the ‘bathroom’ doors but if you want more details I’m always a phone call away. And if you ever want to try this burger I will buy it for you if you can finish it. That's a promise.
As for Mike, we’ve spoken a few times since The Incident. He’s hurting. He texted me last night and at one point he was on his hands and knees from the burning pain in his body. I told him that as long as he was down there he should just ask the Lord to end it all so he wouldn't have to endure anymore pain. Well, he called me this morning so I know he survived the night.
And that, in a nutshell, is Derek and Mike’s Firecracker Day. It was bad. Very Bad. But we did it. And no one can take that away from us. Here’s to Mike, the only friend in the world that would do this with me. I hate you.
Until Next Time, keep it spicy…
Monday, July 19, 2010
Marriage
Recently I(we) celebrated my first wedding anniversary. Whenever I tell people I’m married I always get the question: So, how’s married life? I answer: It’s good, lots of compromising, but I’m happy. And it’s the truth. I am happy. I enjoy marriage. But it is different. Things do change. A few things I didn’t know about being married. They’re not deal breakers but can try my patience from time to time :)
#1) If someone is coming over to your house, the house must be spotless. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend you don’t like, your brother, or the pizza delivery man. If someone is coming over it’s clean time. My wife- and usually me- must begin cleaning like our lives depend on it. Dusting, mopping, wiping, scrubbing, etc. Clean, clean, clean. And hurry, we must clean as if someone is knocking on the door at the very moment we're cleaning. I don’t get it. Our house always looks relatively clean. Why does it have to look like we’re trying to sell it when someone’s coming over for two minutes? I can understand if someone’s coming over for dinner or staying for a couple nights, but we have to clean even if someone’s dropping by for only a second. For a while, I was telling my friends to just meet me in the garage. That made it easier, ha ha.
#2) Making the bed. Sorry, I’m not a bed maker. I haven’t been since I was like 9 years old and realized it was a waste of time. Making the bed is a wonderful way to teach responsibility to a kid. But I’m responsible now and I can pay my bills and go to work without making my bed. Really, why do it? Your bed is in your bedroom. No one sees your bed. And when you go to sleep at night you’re just going to mess it all up again. There are other ways to spend your six minutes than to be making the bed. My wife does it everyday. I rarely do it. I'll mow the lawn.
#3) The TV volume. I admit, I listen to my TV at a loud volume. Why do I do this? Because I can’t hear it! I’m not blasting the TV because I like to watch Saved by the Bell in rock concert form, I’m doing it because my hearing- quite frankly- sucks. It’s not my fault. I have bad ears. Always have. I think my wife thinks I’m doing it to be obnoxious. I’m really not. I just can’t hear it. And unfortunately our TV volume isn’t very good. Or is it? I wouldn’t know ☺
I love being married. I do. And no matter what I do to annoy my wife she always knows I try my best. And I’m not very stubborn. I will admit when I’m wrong and I will try to improve. But I will never understand the cleaning thing and the meaningless bed making. And there’s not a whole lot I can do about the TV volume. I’m sorry, my hearing sucks.
All in all, married life is good. And if these are the things we disagree on then I am sure we will be happily married for a very long time.
#1) If someone is coming over to your house, the house must be spotless. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend you don’t like, your brother, or the pizza delivery man. If someone is coming over it’s clean time. My wife- and usually me- must begin cleaning like our lives depend on it. Dusting, mopping, wiping, scrubbing, etc. Clean, clean, clean. And hurry, we must clean as if someone is knocking on the door at the very moment we're cleaning. I don’t get it. Our house always looks relatively clean. Why does it have to look like we’re trying to sell it when someone’s coming over for two minutes? I can understand if someone’s coming over for dinner or staying for a couple nights, but we have to clean even if someone’s dropping by for only a second. For a while, I was telling my friends to just meet me in the garage. That made it easier, ha ha.
#2) Making the bed. Sorry, I’m not a bed maker. I haven’t been since I was like 9 years old and realized it was a waste of time. Making the bed is a wonderful way to teach responsibility to a kid. But I’m responsible now and I can pay my bills and go to work without making my bed. Really, why do it? Your bed is in your bedroom. No one sees your bed. And when you go to sleep at night you’re just going to mess it all up again. There are other ways to spend your six minutes than to be making the bed. My wife does it everyday. I rarely do it. I'll mow the lawn.
#3) The TV volume. I admit, I listen to my TV at a loud volume. Why do I do this? Because I can’t hear it! I’m not blasting the TV because I like to watch Saved by the Bell in rock concert form, I’m doing it because my hearing- quite frankly- sucks. It’s not my fault. I have bad ears. Always have. I think my wife thinks I’m doing it to be obnoxious. I’m really not. I just can’t hear it. And unfortunately our TV volume isn’t very good. Or is it? I wouldn’t know ☺
I love being married. I do. And no matter what I do to annoy my wife she always knows I try my best. And I’m not very stubborn. I will admit when I’m wrong and I will try to improve. But I will never understand the cleaning thing and the meaningless bed making. And there’s not a whole lot I can do about the TV volume. I’m sorry, my hearing sucks.
All in all, married life is good. And if these are the things we disagree on then I am sure we will be happily married for a very long time.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
She Didn't Know...
After reading my friend Kelly’s blog I could only think of one thing: thank god for my penis. I don’t mean that in a vulgar way in any way, shape or form. I don’t. And I’m not saying that for a shock factor or to be gross. I’m saying it because I’m very happy I’ll never have to go through childbirth. The horror! Yikes. Great blog Kelly! Your blog was incredible and really made me wonder when I saw this TV show the other day...
Have you seen that show on TLC called I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant? I’m serious. I’m not making this up. It’s a real show. I watched an episode and the woman featured had no idea- not a clue- for 9 months of her life that something was growing inside of her? Then she had a stomachache, went to the potty, and Presto! Out came a baby. A boy. He was like 4.7 lbs.
How does one miss this? After what Kelly described I cannot imagine this happening to anyone, and yet they have a weekly television show about it. So it's happened to more than just one or two ladies. Ummmm, crazy! I was in awe the entire show. I had to double check the guide on my TV just to make sure I was watching what I thought I was watching. Incredible. No signs, no symptoms, no morning sickness, cramps, leakage, weight gain, swollen feet, headaches? Nothing. Really? Wow.
Well, Kelly, again, we appreciate the blog. I don’t think you’ve had one day in the last 6 months where you forgot you were with child. Heck, these ladies on this show are kind of lucky, huh? No idea they were pregnant until they had a stomachache and then a quick visit to the toilet and it’s all over. If it could only be so easy for all you brave souls out there that give birth. I gotta call my mom ☺
Don't believe me? http://health.discovery.com/tv/i-didnt-know-i-was-pregnant/about.html
Have you seen that show on TLC called I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant? I’m serious. I’m not making this up. It’s a real show. I watched an episode and the woman featured had no idea- not a clue- for 9 months of her life that something was growing inside of her? Then she had a stomachache, went to the potty, and Presto! Out came a baby. A boy. He was like 4.7 lbs.
How does one miss this? After what Kelly described I cannot imagine this happening to anyone, and yet they have a weekly television show about it. So it's happened to more than just one or two ladies. Ummmm, crazy! I was in awe the entire show. I had to double check the guide on my TV just to make sure I was watching what I thought I was watching. Incredible. No signs, no symptoms, no morning sickness, cramps, leakage, weight gain, swollen feet, headaches? Nothing. Really? Wow.
Well, Kelly, again, we appreciate the blog. I don’t think you’ve had one day in the last 6 months where you forgot you were with child. Heck, these ladies on this show are kind of lucky, huh? No idea they were pregnant until they had a stomachache and then a quick visit to the toilet and it’s all over. If it could only be so easy for all you brave souls out there that give birth. I gotta call my mom ☺
Don't believe me? http://health.discovery.com/tv/i-didnt-know-i-was-pregnant/about.html
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
The Joys of Birth- Hold the Booze
One of my best friends in the world- Kelly Carque- is pregnant. Kelly and I have been very good friends for like 6 years now and one thing I can tell you about Kelly is that she has a great sense of humor and is very blunt. She'll tells like it is. Holds nothing back. She is also a good writer. So, I told her I need a blog about pregnancy. Without further ado I would like to introduce to you my guest blogger, Kelly Carque. Please enjoy...
So, you’re having a baby…..
It seems as if immediately after exchanging vows with Chris, people started with the baby nagging. “So, when are you two going to have kids?” It would typically be followed with “OH, you will just love being pregnant”. After hearing this enough, I started to believe it. I now know that these were all lies. Horrible, cruel lies. Let me tell you the truth about being pregnant….and I can guarantee that “beautiful” is not an adjective that I will be using.
You decide to take a pregnancy test. You pee on a stick, and you wait for the results. After waiting the suggested time limit, the test shows that you are, indeed, knocked up. My immediate thoughts were “Oh #!@&*%. I need a beer”. WRONG. The once cure-all for any shocking news is no longer an option. Saying goodbye to Michelob Ultra, margaritas, and wine was much harder than I thought. I never realized that these were like dear friends of mine in every life situation. Bad news in life? Let’s have a few beers. Good news in life? Let’s have some drinks and celebrate! Long day at work? Wine, please! You find out that you will be birthing a child, and you can’t even share the news with your favorite alcoholic buddies. Bummer.
Ironically, the first month or two, I woke up every morning feeling like I had the worst hangover ever. The only difference is that with a real hangover you have funny stories and great memories to justify the way you feel. Not the same with “morning sickness”. You go to bed at like 7pm, because you can’t keep your eyes open long enough to watch 90210 on the CW, sleep for 10 hours, and wake up feeling terrible. Yeah, you’ll really love being pregnant.
After a few more months, and several doctor appointments, you decide it’s time to share the news with the people in your life. I had been waiting for more of the “oh, I love being pregnant” stories from friends that have already become parents. Wrong again. Now that you ARE pregnant, the “worst case scenario” stories are shared. Women all around me started doing the same thing. They would move closer, lower their voices, and say things like “my sister’s neighbor’s cousin had the worst experience ever – the baby was so big that afterwards she had to have over 300 stitches…. You know, (whispering) down there”. Thanks lady, so happy to have heard that story, along with, “well, you can ask for an epidural, but there’s no guarantee that it will work”. Pair those with the good old fashioned “pooping during delivery” personal narratives, and you’re not exactly eager to give birth.
Next up, you get to deal with the physical changes. Have you ever heard of the “pregnancy mask”? If you’re in the sun – at all – your face will change color. Cool, right? Wrong. Luckily it happens where every woman would want it to – on the upper lip. Nothing screams “sexy” like having a dark brown skin stache. Even better news? It may, or MAY NOT, fade after you give birth. Excellent! To make it even better, you can get it on your cheeks, and on your forehead! I was told “Kelly, you look like you just came from Ash Wednesday”. Wow, thanks for the compliment! I sure feel pretty!! Combine your miscolored face with the weight gain, the swollen feet, cankles, and the general feeling of being uncomfortable. Yup, pregnancy sure is a glamorous thing.
There have been a few things that I have learned throughout the past 8 months. Everyone that has ever had a child seems to offer advice – whether you ask for it or not. I’ve learned to smile, nod my head, and every once in a while throw in a “wow, thanks”. Meanwhile, inside my hypercolored head, I’m thinking, “your youngest child is like 27 years old, I think a few things may have changed!”
Besides becoming the ultimate advice taker, I’ve also learned not to ask Chris about how I look. If you know Chris, you may know that he doesn’t always think before he speaks. He’s been known to put his foot into his mouth a few hundred times. Anyways, you wind up having to buy all new clothes because nothing fits anymore. These maternity clothes aren’t always the most fashionable and you wind up being a little more self-conscious about your ever changing body. I made the mistake of asking Chris how I looked. He replied with “you look like a mom”. WHAT?? I think that may be the last thing that any pregnant woman wants to be told. Tell me that I look great, say that I look skinny, tell me that you can hardly notice the 25lbs that I have put on…. Say ANYTHING besides “you look like a mom”. I only made this mistake one more time. Sadly enough, I’m 8 months pregnant during swimsuit season. If you want to experience something depressing, make sure that you’re humongous during the summer. Anyways, as I unveiled my one piece maternity suit to my ever-loving husband, I made a statement that I felt like a hippopotamus. I made a statement. I wasn’t looking for any feedback or personal opinions. But again, if you know Chris….. he replied to me with, “well, you have better teeth”. Luckily I still had my sense of humor that day.
As far as I’m concerned right now, this will be an only child. You will not see us on TLC as “The Carque’s, sixteen kids and counting”. I can’t imagine saying “Man, I can’t wait to get pregnant again”. Right now I’m focusing on the next 6 weeks flying by, getting the delivery over with, meeting our new baby (who hopefully will not look like a troll), and reuniting with some of my alcohol buddies. Who knows, maybe I’ll even have an attitude adjustment and start telling people how much I loved being pregnant…but, I doubt it. The baby is due August 12th, and the margarita’s are due on the 13th.
L8TRDUD
L8TRDUD
Reality is truly more comical than fiction. Seriously. The real world, including the people that live in it, is a funny place. Just yesterday I could only laugh as I pulled up behind a guy in a beat up red pick up truck with the license plate: L8TRDUD.
Where to start? I’m pretty sure this guy was trying to tell the world- Later Dude. But since you can only have 7 characters on a plate he had to do his best. But what’s so funny is that the simple omission of the letter “E” turns ‘dude’ into ‘dud.’
And unfortunately for this dude or dud the words have very different meanings.
Dude- a cool male, people like this guy, they want to be around him, girls like him, guys want to hang out with him, he has nice hair and cool glasses.
Dud- loser. Nobody wants to be around a dud. He’s flaky and doesn’t come out often. He usually makes $7.50 an hour at your local convenience store.
I could only laugh at L8TRDUD because there is nothing funnier than a person trying to be cool. Being cool- or even liked- for that matter is something you shouldn’t have to work for. It should just come naturally. L8trDUD is just trying way too hard. Poor guy.
And what’s even funnier is that L8TRDUD was driving a 4 cylinder, 17-year-old Nissan pick up truck. If you’re going to say “later dude” to the person behind you shouldn’t you be driving something with a little more horsepower? I mean, ironically, you couldn’t find a slower vehicle to attach this stupid plate. It would be appropriate on a sports car, but it’s a failure on a weak pick up truck. But it did make me laugh and for that I am appreciative of Nevada plate L8TRDUD.
Later dud(e)...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Shhh. Do You Do It?
It’s something that we don’t talk about as adults. It’s a little taboo and perhaps embarrassing. I believe most people do it, some people don’t, some will admit it and others wouldn’t dare. It’s really easy to do, feels warm and nice, and is really a lot more convenient than the alternative. Do you do it? I do sometimes. Did you do it when you were younger and then stopped when you got older? Are you a lifer like me- meaning you always have and always will. Do you admit to it? Is it funny for you? Do you do it because of laziness? Is it gross to you? Do your friends do it?
What am I talking about?!?!?
Peeing in pools. Yeah, you know, when you got to go, but the pool feels delightful and the frozen margaritas are tasting oh so nice, and you really don’t want to get out, towel off, and go inside, so what do you do? Just go. Let her rip. Make hot lemonade. Swim around a little, act casual, don’t let your eyes water, and let it flow. If you’re really good at it you can talk while you’re doing it so your friends will never suspect a thing. Really, no one will know. And I know we’ve all done it before. If I have to pee when I’m actually out of the pool I’ll use the restroom, but if I don’t feel like getting out- and I really have to go- then I’ll let her flow. Hotel pools?--- Always getting pee-peed in. I don’t even know why these places have restrooms. Fortunately there’s probably enough chlorine in them to kill a small horse so I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, don’t drink the stuff, but if you have to tinkle, it’s OK. Order another drink first and then just go.
So, do you do it in pools? Don’t lie to yourself. Just admit it…
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
It's Not the End of the World
The other day I was at the gas station and I overheard the attendant- who was ignoring me- say the expression (to the person he was talking to on the phone) we’ve all heard a thousand times- “It’s not the end of the world.” You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. It’s thrown around so loosely it’s almost comical. At a restaurant when you order something they're out of and the waitress breaks the news to you, your expression might be “It’s not the end of the world.” Or when you get lost while driving and you’re running a little late, “it’s not the end of the world.” You get the idea.
Isn’t this just a stupid expression? Why do we say it? Is there ever a time where’d you’d say it is the end of the world?
In the emergency room when a loved one has just died…is that the appropriate time? I’m sorry Mrs. Lieberman, we’ve lost him, it’s the end of the world. Or would you say it’s not the end of the world to comfort Mrs. Lieberman?
We usually save the expression for things that are trivial or not a big deal or something we shouldn’t get worked up over, but still it doesn’t help.
I mean, what if it was the end of the world? What would people be saying? Would we be hearing people scream “it’s the end of the world!...it’s the end of the world!” Or would people be running around to calm other people down…”it’s NOT the end of the world, relax, it’s not the end of the world.”
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s a peculiar expression. It doesn’t help either. It offers no comfort when it’s stated and quite frankly it makes no sense. So, the next time someone tells you “it’s not the end of the world” you should tell them: Thanks genius, you’re right, it’s probably not the end of the world. So, good call on that, but it’s very annoying that this restaurant is out of the biscuits and gravy special! Or whatever else it is that required the expression it’s not the end of the world.
Isn’t this just a stupid expression? Why do we say it? Is there ever a time where’d you’d say it is the end of the world?
In the emergency room when a loved one has just died…is that the appropriate time? I’m sorry Mrs. Lieberman, we’ve lost him, it’s the end of the world. Or would you say it’s not the end of the world to comfort Mrs. Lieberman?
We usually save the expression for things that are trivial or not a big deal or something we shouldn’t get worked up over, but still it doesn’t help.
I mean, what if it was the end of the world? What would people be saying? Would we be hearing people scream “it’s the end of the world!...it’s the end of the world!” Or would people be running around to calm other people down…”it’s NOT the end of the world, relax, it’s not the end of the world.”
I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but it’s a peculiar expression. It doesn’t help either. It offers no comfort when it’s stated and quite frankly it makes no sense. So, the next time someone tells you “it’s not the end of the world” you should tell them: Thanks genius, you’re right, it’s probably not the end of the world. So, good call on that, but it’s very annoying that this restaurant is out of the biscuits and gravy special! Or whatever else it is that required the expression it’s not the end of the world.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
PayLess Pizza 'n' Ribs- Really?
The other day I had to take my wife to the dentist. Isn’t that always fun. I always feel guilty going to the dentist. I rarely go every six months and I don’t floss every day like I should. I’m sneaky, though, I floss everyday for the two weeks leading up to my appointment. It’s worked so far because in thirty years I’ve never had a cavity. But for some reason every time I get in that chair and wait for Dr. Toothy I always get nervous. I feel like a kid. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s because it brings back memories of when I actually went to the dentist twice a year. Who knows?
My wife’s dentist office isn’t in the best area. When I left the office I noticed one of the funniest named restaurants I have ever seen in my life. This place was called PayLess Pizza ‘n’ Ribs. I am not making this up for comedic dramadic purposes. I am serious, no joke. I mean where do I begin with this?
First off, who decides to sell pizza and ribs together? When ordering a pizza have you ever said to yourself... well, give me some sloppy ribs with that pizza! Probably not. Ribs and pizza? What an interesting combo?
If you were taking a test and the question was: What would you order with Pizza?
The possible answers would be:
a) garden salad b) chicken wings c) chicken fingers d) cheesy breadsticks e) BBQ ribs
What answer would you select? A-D are all acceptable answers. E- hhhmmm, doesn’t quite fit does it?
And if pizza and ribs isn’t odd enough the owner thought naming his joint "PayLess" would just bring them in in droves.
PayLess Shoes- Acceptable. Payless Auto Parts- Acceptable. PayLess Pizza n Ribs- Unacceptable.
By saying “payless” what are you really saying about your product? I’ll tell ya…Our product is OK,mediocre, not top of the line, cheaply made, but hey, you’ll pay a little less than our competition. Just try it.
Well, Is this really what you want to say about your pizza? Or about your ribs? Bargain pizza and ribs. I guess you can’t fault the owner for trying to be unique. He was thinking… hey, there aren’t too many shops that sell pizza and ribs together and do it at a fair price. Let’s do it!
Well, I’m not sure how this place does, but if you ever want to go just let me know. I’d like my first time to be with one of my Blogollowers…
Thanks for reading…
My wife’s dentist office isn’t in the best area. When I left the office I noticed one of the funniest named restaurants I have ever seen in my life. This place was called PayLess Pizza ‘n’ Ribs. I am not making this up for comedic dramadic purposes. I am serious, no joke. I mean where do I begin with this?
First off, who decides to sell pizza and ribs together? When ordering a pizza have you ever said to yourself... well, give me some sloppy ribs with that pizza! Probably not. Ribs and pizza? What an interesting combo?
If you were taking a test and the question was: What would you order with Pizza?
The possible answers would be:
a) garden salad b) chicken wings c) chicken fingers d) cheesy breadsticks e) BBQ ribs
What answer would you select? A-D are all acceptable answers. E- hhhmmm, doesn’t quite fit does it?
And if pizza and ribs isn’t odd enough the owner thought naming his joint "PayLess" would just bring them in in droves.
PayLess Shoes- Acceptable. Payless Auto Parts- Acceptable. PayLess Pizza n Ribs- Unacceptable.
By saying “payless” what are you really saying about your product? I’ll tell ya…Our product is OK,mediocre, not top of the line, cheaply made, but hey, you’ll pay a little less than our competition. Just try it.
Well, Is this really what you want to say about your pizza? Or about your ribs? Bargain pizza and ribs. I guess you can’t fault the owner for trying to be unique. He was thinking… hey, there aren’t too many shops that sell pizza and ribs together and do it at a fair price. Let’s do it!
Well, I’m not sure how this place does, but if you ever want to go just let me know. I’d like my first time to be with one of my Blogollowers…
Thanks for reading…
Monday, June 14, 2010
Your Call
As most of my loyal Blogollowers (if you’re reading this you are a Blogollower- I just made it up ☺) know I don’t write too many serious blogs. I mean my main objective is to poke fun at people or myself, make light of life, question stupid things I see on TV or in reality, and bring some smiles and laughs to my readers. If you can’t laugh and smile about things then you’re destined to be a depressed person.
With that in mind, here are some things to keep in mind that are important. I guess they are, I don't know, read them if you want. The important things besides laughing (I made this up, if they sound like something copied then maybe I heard it somewhere, but for the most part this is my advice off the top of my square head):
Enjoy your life. Work hard, make money, but keep things in perspective.
Own a Dog. You’ll learn more about loyalty and compassion than you’ll ever know.
It’s OK to disagree with people. It’s OK to disagree with your spouse and/or your friends.
Have quality friends that you can count on. Quality. Not quantity. 1-2 friends is just fine. Be a good friend to others, and you’ll have friends for a lifetime. Facebook friends aren’t always ‘real’ friends. Sorry.
Look people in the eye when you’re talking to them. Listen first before speaking and if someone is dealing with something important try not to interject with a story about yourself that you think might be helpful. Sometimes people just want to be heard. (I'm not always very good at this but I'm learning)
Floss. You’ll feel cleaner. Your call though.
Exercise if you want to. Don’t exercise if you don’t want to. Your call.
Eat what you want, when you want. If you do this in moderation you’ll probably be OK. If you eat a lot of crap, you’ll be overweight. But, it’s Your call.
Do dogs watch TV? And do dogs recognize other dogs on the TV? Yes. And Yes. My dog Molly is proof. I have video/pics to prove it.
Get a physical when you’re in your 30’s.
Cigarettes can kill you. But my Aunt is in her late 60’s and has been smoking 2 packs a day for 50 years. So, yes they can kill you, but this is what the S.G. should be saying….Cigarettes will add to your buzz when you’re drunk. They’ll make your fingers stink. They’ll be pricy as the years go by. They could eventually kill you, but so could a car accident. Good luck with smoking. We wish you the best. Smoking..Your call.
Tan if you feel like making your skin darker. It’s not very good for you and will eventually make you look older. Ladies, if you’re good looking you’ll be good looking pale or tan. If you live in a desert tanning is free for you; you don’t need to pay for it.
Grow a garden. It’s pretty cool when tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and peaches start growing. Seriously, it’s easy, and will bring you a lot of pleasure. Not sure why, but if you need gardening tips please call me. Or, look it up on the internet. Your call.
Diet Dr. Pepper and Diet Mountain Dew are great drinks with zero calories if you’re trying to cut back on those. But again, Your call.
Read books. You’ll gain knowledge. Amazing.
Tell your spouse, family, and friends you ‘love them’ and don’t be afraid to give hugs. Don’t be a hard ass when it comes to those things. Not worth it.
Encourage young people to work hard, we live in a society of lazy people. Youngins need the encouragement.
Go a day w/o your cell phone. It will really show you the power of dependency on a 4X1 inch piece of plastic. It’s scary. I’ve done it before but it was because my phone got wet. I was ashamed of myself but that leads me to…
Accept your faults, learn from them, move on.
Don’t get married before 25. Statistics aren’t in your favor.
Write a letter to a stranger. If they write back, then good for you, it’ll be something in the mail that’s not a bill.
If you want to keep your grass green water it. Aerate it once a year. Fertilize 4 times a year. Mow when necessary.
Respect old people. They’ve earned it.
Compromising is better than fighting.
Pray. Talk to God. He listens.
Own your vehicles outright. If you can avoid having a car payment then don’t have one! On average Americans only keep their cars for 3.8 years while financing them for 5.5 years. Translation: we always have a car payment. Car payments will keep you broke. Avoid them.
Don’t be too critical of people. Forgive. Be confident. But be humble, forgive if you feel it’s deserved, and be critical when it can help someone.
If you’re comfortable wearing jogging pants, then wear them! Just remember though, you live in a world with a lot of other people, so dress how you want to be perceived. And unfortunately, there’s nothing cool about jogging pants.
(And very rarely will you see a successful C.E.O., president, manager, etc. with a lip ring or African earlobes or neck tattoos, so remember that)
Don’t be impressed or disappointed with your weather man. He’s basically telling you the history of the weather on a specific day based on data collected on that day in that region for the last 200 years or whatever. So, if there’s a 70% chance of rain on September 17th, 2011 then it’s probably because on the history of Sept. 17th’s it’s rained on that day 70% of the time. It’s not rocket science.
Most doctors are well-educated guessers. How many times have you gone to the doctor and the doc says.. “um, well, it could be a few things…” Well, you’d think he’d be able to narrow it down for the 150 bucks an hour he’s getting. Just keep that in mind the next time you’re at the doctor. They try their best.
Drink lots of water. Keeps the skin nice. And clears out the ‘ol system.
A high percentage of women who commit suicide have had breast augmentation. Sad, but it's true. Be happy with what ya got. Or enhance. Your call.
Don’t pay someone to do something you can do yourself.
Don’t ask someone to do something you wouldn’t do for them.
Be unique.
Change can be good.
Stereotypes are often true.
Smile. Cry. Yell sometimes. Love. Be happy. Say hello, say goodnight.
Your Call...
I'll take "Things I HATE to Buy" for $800, Alex...
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Before my Blog today- quick recommendation… go see The Story in Their Eyes. It’s an excellent film! Really, a masterpiece. One of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time. It’s still in theaters but will be tough to find. You may have to wait for the DVD. It won Best Foreign Film (Argentina) at the Oscars in 2009.
Ok, today’s Blog is…
Things I Hate to Buy:
Toilet Paper- buying the stuff you use to wipe your butt. Seriously, it’s a necessity but it sucks. How much money in a lifetime do we spend on this stuff? It gives us nothing in return accept the fact, well, we HAVE to use the stuff! It’s not exactly cheap either.
Hangers- with all the clothes we buy and all the clothes we have you’d think we’d have enough hangers to hang stuff. But, no, every once in a while I find myself having to buy these stupid things. If you’re tight with your dry cleaner- I’m not because mine is an Asian lady I can’t understand- then you probably don’t have to purchase hangers. But since I don’t know Asian-lady-broken-English I have to buy hangers myself.
Lemons- I don’t eat lemons. Do you? But sometimes you need them for cooking, or for Tea, or for alcoholic drinks. But really, it sucks buying them. They serve no nutritional value and I often find myself buying 3 too many…which would be 4 lemons.
Paper Towels- see my comments on toilet paper. Got to have paper towels. But really, you don’t. They’re a waste. Even more of a waste, actually, than toilet paper.
Light Bulbs- yes, I know we need them, but again it’s one of those things I hate spending money on. I now buy those Fluorescent Light Bulbs because they last longer, but still, hate buying them.
Detergent- to keep my clothes clean. Whatever.
Toothpaste- to keep my mouth clean. Whatever.
Batteries- to keep me lazy so my TV remote works. What a pain when your remote goes out and you have no batteries. What a downer! Has that ever happened to you? I’d pay 300 bucks on the spot to not have to get off the couch and go to the store.
Dog Food- Can’t they just eat what’s in the fridge? Nope, they need their own food so they don’t have runny poopies.
Garbage Bags- whatever happened to burning our trash? Need em, but hate buying em.
Water- the Earth is 67% water and yet we buy like 6 billions dollars worth of bottled water a year! Not me. My hose works. I don’t buy bottled water. Well, I used to but not anymore. I got tired of buying it. It made no sense to me. The only bottles I buy now are ones with beer in them.
Home Phones- ask my wife about this. Please just ask her. That's a blog in itself.
Ice- yes, frozen water. But sometimes we got to have it so we spend 2 bucks on a 7 pound bag of this stuff. What a rip off!
There’s plenty of other things I don’t like buying but hey, what can you do. That’s life.
What don't you like buying?
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Caballeros
The other night I went out with my brother to a Mexican Restaurant. His girlfriend works at the bar so we had some drinks. All in all it was a swell time. As a few drinks became a few more drinks I had to do my business. My bladder is not one of my strong suits. It’s small and must be emptied frequently. It’s a pain in the butt, but what can you do?
So I go make my way to the bathroom. It’s a darker restaurant, which I like, but I had a tough time finding the little boys room. Also keep in mind I had a few brews too. As with many establishments out there, the theme of the restaurant has to be 100% loyal to the particular theme. I cannot stand this.
So, in this case- Mexican. So, the owners really want you to feel like your in Mexico, as if labeling the restroom in Spanish will somehow make me forget that I’m on the Las Vegas Strip. Hey, whatever. I mean really if they wanted to make it authentic they should never clean the restroom and let people piss in holes in the dirt covered ground. And they should have a little girl sell you Chicklets gum when you leave the bathroom. Then I might think I’m in Tijuana, Mexico. Right?
And another thing- have you ever gone to a restaurant- or NOT gone to a restaurant- because of how their bathrooms are labeled? Yeah, didn’t think so…
I mean can WE not call the bathroom, well, THE BATHROOM. And we can’t possibly label them men’s and women’s. Again, I hate this. I really do. Twice in my life, because of this, I have entered the wrong bathroom. It’s not my fault. Sorry, I didn’t know ‘Caballeros’ mean’s this is where I have to go pee pee since I’m a boy.
Why can’t we just leave the bathroom’s alone? Just Men’s/Women’s or Gentleman/Ladies or even Penis/Vagina will suffice. Really it’s quite annoying.
Do you know what ‘toilette degli uomini’ means? I do. And do you know why? Because when I had to use the bathroom at a Macroni Grill I learned it means Men’s Restroom. This annoying establishment takes it to a whole new level. They teach you Italian while you’re doing your business. Now that’s just insulting, isn’t it?!
Not a disease....
I've touched on this subject before but I'll do it again because last night I saw another show about an abnormally huge person. Fat doesn't even cover it. You ever see those shows where there’s a man- or woman- who is so large, so obese, they can’t leave their bed? Like the “1200 pound man” or “800 pound woman” or something along those lines. It’s sad really. These people haven’t just merely put on a little holiday weight, or had a bad year, or don’t like exercise. Basically these people have just done nothing but eat, eat, eat for a number of years, years, years. I feel bad for them but what I can’t stand is that these so-called experts call it a disease. Obesity is NOT a disease. Eating food is not something that you become addicted to. I don’t buy it. It’s an excuse. Just like calling alcoholism a disease. It’s not. I’m sorry, but it’s a choice. Your body doesn’t need 12000 calories in a day. Your body doesn’t need to eat an 11-egg omelet, a pound of bacon, and a half loaf of toast in the morning. Calling “being fat” a disease is just an excuse. I hope that all obese people get help, get healthy, and lose the weight but let’s stop calling it a disease, please!
Friday, June 11, 2010
It Mattered
I wrote this piece like 10 months ago. It was something I wrote for my grandfather. He passed away when I was only 5 so I don't remember him all that well. I like to think my grandpa Norm was a pretty awesome guy because he taught my father about life, work ethic, discipline, etc. I think the world of my dad and I'm pretty sure my grandpa had a lot to do with that...
But today I'm posting this piece in honor of my wife's grandfather (my grandfather too) Leslie William Collins. Although I only met "papaw" a couple of times, I am very fortunate to have met him. He was an incredible person that lived an incredible life. His life counted because he made a difference, gave back to his community, and truly knew the importance of family. He was a part of his community and was married to the love of is life for 70+ years. His legacy is in his children, his grandchildren, and the hundreds of people's lives he touched.
Is there anything else you can ask for in a lifetime?
He was the definition of what a good man is and he proved it everyday of his life.
Although I didn't know him well, I will always remember him through his daughter Annelle, her husband Ted, and their beautiful daughter Erin, my wife.
In honor of Leslie Collins, Here's the piece...
Last winter I was walking when I saw an old man sitting on a bench. He was weathered, and he looked a little beaten down by life. His clothes had seen many years. His eyes were sad and his hands looked as if he worked a laborer’s life. He looked lonely. I don’t exactly know what it was but something inside me told me to stop. So I did. I sat next to the man and looked at him. He looked familiar- that feeling you get that you’ve met this person before but can’t quite place it. He then looked at me. I tried to say hello but nothing seemed to come out. So I sat there; we sat there.
Silence. And then:
“It’s cold out here, isn’t it?” he said to me with what I can only assume was his best smile.
“Yes, it is, but you don’t seem cold, sir” I said.
“I’m not. I’m happy, I’m content. I've lived a very long time and I’ve seen colder days. I’m glad you chose to walk by this bench today. And I think it was important that you stopped.”
I didn’t want to be rude, so I decided to continue my conversation with this man. Although I thought he was a little peculiar, something told me to stay a little longer.
“I have lived a long time. I am old and I envy your youth, but my life was well spent. I married. I had kids. And my kids’ had kids. I provided for my family. I laughed. I danced. I cried. I witnessed death and witnessed life. I saw seasons come and seasons go. I am old now, but I am happy. My life mattered,” he said.
“That’s good,” I said, but I knew he had more to say.
“I hope that when you are my age you can sit on a bench and say your life mattered, because that’s all that really matters. And I hope that you make a difference in someone’s life. I hope that people remember you when you’re gone. And I hope they talk about you often. That’s what counts. Because when you become my age the materialistic goals you work so hard for will no longer matter.”
“I hope so too, sir,” I said awkwardly. “I hope I can make a difference and I hope people remember me. I want to live a life that matters.”
“Son, you are living a life that matters. You stopped to talk to me, didn’t you?” said the old man.
“Yes, but--” I said.
He continued, “You didn’t have to stop. You could have run right past me, but you didn’t. You stopped and you talked to this old man on this bench on a cold winter day. And that has made all the difference in the world. You stopped because your heart is big and you knew that you should stop. Something told you to stop.”
And then this old man, weathered by life, with the tattered clothes, and the familiar eyes said something I will never forget.
He said, “If you hadn’t stopped then we wouldn’t have gotten the chance to talk today. You don’t remember me, but I remember you. I held you when you were young and there were a lot of things I never got to tell you. We never got the chance to talk like we are talking now. But today you stopped, and that mattered, because now I can say this…
Hello, Derek. My name is Norman. Norman Stafford. I am your grandfather. It’s nice to meet you.”
But today I'm posting this piece in honor of my wife's grandfather (my grandfather too) Leslie William Collins. Although I only met "papaw" a couple of times, I am very fortunate to have met him. He was an incredible person that lived an incredible life. His life counted because he made a difference, gave back to his community, and truly knew the importance of family. He was a part of his community and was married to the love of is life for 70+ years. His legacy is in his children, his grandchildren, and the hundreds of people's lives he touched.
Is there anything else you can ask for in a lifetime?
He was the definition of what a good man is and he proved it everyday of his life.
Although I didn't know him well, I will always remember him through his daughter Annelle, her husband Ted, and their beautiful daughter Erin, my wife.
In honor of Leslie Collins, Here's the piece...
Last winter I was walking when I saw an old man sitting on a bench. He was weathered, and he looked a little beaten down by life. His clothes had seen many years. His eyes were sad and his hands looked as if he worked a laborer’s life. He looked lonely. I don’t exactly know what it was but something inside me told me to stop. So I did. I sat next to the man and looked at him. He looked familiar- that feeling you get that you’ve met this person before but can’t quite place it. He then looked at me. I tried to say hello but nothing seemed to come out. So I sat there; we sat there.
Silence. And then:
“It’s cold out here, isn’t it?” he said to me with what I can only assume was his best smile.
“Yes, it is, but you don’t seem cold, sir” I said.
“I’m not. I’m happy, I’m content. I've lived a very long time and I’ve seen colder days. I’m glad you chose to walk by this bench today. And I think it was important that you stopped.”
I didn’t want to be rude, so I decided to continue my conversation with this man. Although I thought he was a little peculiar, something told me to stay a little longer.
“I have lived a long time. I am old and I envy your youth, but my life was well spent. I married. I had kids. And my kids’ had kids. I provided for my family. I laughed. I danced. I cried. I witnessed death and witnessed life. I saw seasons come and seasons go. I am old now, but I am happy. My life mattered,” he said.
“That’s good,” I said, but I knew he had more to say.
“I hope that when you are my age you can sit on a bench and say your life mattered, because that’s all that really matters. And I hope that you make a difference in someone’s life. I hope that people remember you when you’re gone. And I hope they talk about you often. That’s what counts. Because when you become my age the materialistic goals you work so hard for will no longer matter.”
“I hope so too, sir,” I said awkwardly. “I hope I can make a difference and I hope people remember me. I want to live a life that matters.”
“Son, you are living a life that matters. You stopped to talk to me, didn’t you?” said the old man.
“Yes, but--” I said.
He continued, “You didn’t have to stop. You could have run right past me, but you didn’t. You stopped and you talked to this old man on this bench on a cold winter day. And that has made all the difference in the world. You stopped because your heart is big and you knew that you should stop. Something told you to stop.”
And then this old man, weathered by life, with the tattered clothes, and the familiar eyes said something I will never forget.
He said, “If you hadn’t stopped then we wouldn’t have gotten the chance to talk today. You don’t remember me, but I remember you. I held you when you were young and there were a lot of things I never got to tell you. We never got the chance to talk like we are talking now. But today you stopped, and that mattered, because now I can say this…
Hello, Derek. My name is Norman. Norman Stafford. I am your grandfather. It’s nice to meet you.”
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